


Remember Me

by Vesper_ness



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Drama, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Suspense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 01:01:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 30,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14726987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vesper_ness/pseuds/Vesper_ness
Summary: No matter for how long you run, deep down you're still the same person, right? Isabella Swan left Forks against her will, leaving behind most of her life behind. Not like it was picture-perfect before but surely it could have been better than how it ended up. So, then returning to such a dreaded place only rips open one of her many wounds all while she tries to show her poker face, especially to a certain someone.





	1. Preface

 

The blue sky that she had known so well was gone and the familiar gray, cloudy, sky made its presence known. The air was muggy and the ground was wet, meaning it probably had rained. She sighed, tightening her hold on the steering wheel, as she entered Forks once more after so long. Her body was torn between an unpleasant, stabbing, sensation and a spark of rejoice.

“Bella.” Called Alice from the passenger seat of the car, noticing her cousin had faded out for a moment. She had that long distant look in her eye that she got when she became pensive. Bella turned to look at her and tossed her a soft smile.

“Sorry, I just spaced.” She replied and turned her eyes back on the road, but Alice wasn’t convinced. She had a hunch that it had to do with this place; after all, Bella hadn’t been here in a long time.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

“Al,” Bella flickered her eyes to her. “I have to come.”

“Not that.” Alice argued, rolling her eyes. “I meant, are you okay to drive? You keep spacing out and I don’t want to end up on the eleven o’clock news.”

“Your dad wouldn’t be too happy.” Bella’s lips twitched as she remembered her uncle Arnold, or rather—Aro—as he preferred to be called. He said it gave him the authority he didn’t have with his real name. Alice reminded Bella of Aro a lot, with their pale skin and dark, raven, hair. However, she had gotten her sweet, soft, features from her mother. “I’m okay.” Bella insisted.

She saw as the roads became less cluttered meaning she was getting closer to the town. There was never any traffic here because the population of this place was minimal. There was a loud thudding sound on her windshield and she noticed it had started to rain.

_So typical._ She thought ruefully as she turned on the windshield wipers to help clear her vision. The road she was on led her to two destinations that she often recurred in her younger years. The two she had known how to get to with any form of transportation. At the end of the road, she turned right instead of left, slicing the connection she formed in her mind. She was being silly and stupid and she blamed the air for making her brain overthink.

She glanced over to see her cousin twirling her white iPhone in her hand like a ravaged woman, a pout on her lips and a crease between her brows.

“James?” Bella questioned as nonchalantly as she could so she wouldn’t start the moping waterworks. Alice’s frown deepened slightly and she stopped twirling her phone, plucking it into her oversized tote bag.

“Nothing.” She replied simply without further information. Although, Bella didn’t need it. She knew that Alice was heartbroken over her breakup with her boyfriend of two years, James. They had been a wonderful couple, he always took care of her and showed as much attention as possible and she would always beam with happiness.

That happiness waned when James suddenly changed towards her. Bella saw it unfold like a sad tragedy in front of her. One day she came back with swollen, red, eyes and a trembling lip. Bella didn’t need to ask, she merely grabbed her cousin and pulled her into a tight hug, trying to give her some sort of solace. Alice had always been there for Bella so she was more than happy to be there for her when she really needed it. That was about a month ago, but Alice still held onto the hope that he might return for her.

Bella knew that Alice needed a moment, so she turned her face back to the road and hummed along to the music that was playing on the radio at that moment. It had a catchy tune and she needed some sort of distraction for what was to come. She couldn’t deny Esme anything and although every bone in her body screamed not to give in, her heart immediately agreed. She was returning to the place where she was the most _popular_ yet the biggest loser. The problem was, she didn’t know what she was re-summoning.


	2. Chapter 1

I pulled on my collar, popping open the top two buttons, to loosen the hold it had on my neck. It was raining, like it fucking always was. Rattling the keys through my door, I was met with the smell of apple pie floating in the air in a leisurely fashion. It smelled mouthwatering and suddenly my main emotion was hunger, not anger. I heard humming from the kitchen and walked in to see my mother with an apron around her torso and her hair pulled into an elegant chignon.

“Hi mom,” I greeted and she straightened like lightening.

“Oh Edward,” She breathed, pressing a hand over her heart. “You scared me.” I noticed she was wearing her pearls and I frowned. She only wore those pearls for a special event. _Did I miss someone’s birthday?_ I doubt it; Emmett’s passed a month ago.

“Why the pie and the pearls?”

“We have company.” She responded with an easy smile painting her features. There was a glint in her eyes that confused me. “Emmett and Rose should be here soon.” She got all dolled up for them? She turned, fitting an oven-mitt over her hand, and reached into the oven to take out the source of tantalizing smells. It was smoking right on the surface meaning that it was perfect temperature. “Why are you home early?”

“Finished presenting my project.” The work plan had gone as expected but Eric’s lack to accept the deal could piss anyone off. I saw her lips rub together and I suddenly felt like she didn’t want me here. Taps of expensive Italian soles alerted me and I turned to see my father walking down the stairs, fixing his sweater.

“Edward, you’re home early.” He noted with surprise in his voice. _Is it really that alarming that I’m home for once?_

“Dad.” I gave him a handshake and a quick hug. His emerald green eyes were drooping slightly and I imagined that it had to do with his overnight shift at the hospital.

“Carlisle, could you please bring out the wine glasses?” Esme asked kindly and he immediately nodded, walking towards the cabinets. I yawned and drummed my fingers on the marble island top. The door instantly opened and I heard the loud announcement, giving away the person instantly.

“We’re back.” Emmett’s loud voice echoed through the house and his steps came closer until he walked through the door, damp curls and a dimpled smile. We hugged it out and he slapped my back once, hard. He seemed to forget that he was once a gym freak, going twice a day, six times a week and was therefore able to hurt anything.

Behind him appeared his slender opposite, Rosalie. She was tall with long legs, pale skin, blonde hair that swirled with shine and smoke, gray, eyes. She had a wonderful figure that she’s kept in shape since I’ve known her and she was always well groomed. A warm smile painted across her face and she gave me a hug, wrapping her arms around my neck.

“Welcome back.” I said and she wrapped her hand around Emmett’s bicep, displaying her glinting diamond that accompanied the platinum wedding band. Emmett took a noisy whiff and let loose another grin.

“Is that pie I smell, aunt Esme?” She laughed and nodded. “Good because Rose and I worked up an appetite.” Some things never changed; he was always hungry.

The gray cloud loomed darkly over and let the rain pour down onto the pavement, making a crackling noise every time. All I wanted was pie, a shower and sleep. Rosalie flitted to help Esme, buzzing lowly probably about some gossip they heard.

“You look exhausted.” Emmett noted, pulling up a stool and sitting down beside me.

“Beyond.” I rubbed a hand at the back of my neck to try and loosen the knots. A cigarette was probably something else I needed. Something to relieve the stress.

“I’m surprised you’re home.” I slanted my eyes to him.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re usually out until later.” I shrugged.

“I wanted to be home, I didn’t think it was a sin.” He rolled his eyes.

“Don’t get your panties in a twist.” He brushed off and I heard Carlisle coming back into the kitchen with a few beer bottles. The offered one, making the glass clink together, noisily. “Yes, please.” Emmett took it without hesitation, expertly flicking off the bottle caps, handing me my beer. He held up his bottle in suggestion and I raised mine to his, clinking them. “Cheers.”

“Cheers.” I put my lips to the ice cold rim and felt the barley-flavored liquid roll down my throat. It was slightly relaxing but it’s not the usual drinks I go for. _Anything’s better than nothing._ “You and Rose seem to be doing well.”

“We are. She’s happy teaching the kids at school, she says their smiles are rewarding.” She was a first grade teacher, meaning she dealt with teaching kids how to read and cut and spell.

“She’s always liked kids.” I murmured against the rim, when I heard a knock at the door. I frowned instantly and glanced towards the living room where Carlisle walked off to. “Aren’t you the guests?” Emmett stayed quiet, tilting his beer bottle from side to side.

“Welcome, I’m so glad to see you.” Carlisle’s informality piqued my interest. His steps were getting closer and his voice was getting louder as he rounded the corner, the person a few steps behind him.

“It smells like Esme’s pie.” That voice. My heart stopped, my eyes widened, and my breathing ceased. It was as if everything around me halted for the moment and I was staring at some ridiculously corny movie.

Behind Carlisle walked in the one girl I could pinpoint from a mile away. She was just as I remembered her, but yet, strangely different. She was fully developed now, with curves in their right places. Her hair was still long but it was lightened a few shades of brown from its traditional mahogany. Her skin was still fair but it wasn’t so milky anymore; it had the faint tinge of a fading tan. The only unchanging feature was her eyes. They were still the burning hazel that lit up the room with their golden spark.

“What the actual fuck.” I spit out without thinking, making all eyes, including hers, turn to me. “Bella.” Her eyes widened fractionally before she composed herself.

“Edward.” She gave me a curt nod and then turned to look at Esme who completely enveloped herself in Bella’s aura. “Esme, I’m so happy to see you.” Esme’s smile was blinding as she took in all of Bella.

“You look absolutely divine, my sweet darling.” Her voice was high-pitched and excited. _She’s right_ , I thought. She looked better than I could have ever imagined. Her answering smile was exalting and she pressed herself against Esme. “I’ve missed you.”

“And I missed you.” Her eyes fluttered shut for a moment before pulling back and walking towards Emmett, who picked her up in his arms and twirled her around.

“Look at you!” He declared with shining eyes. “Finally!” He boomed and she laughed. He took a step to the side, to allow his wife to walk one step ahead with happiness radiating off her body. Her smile was pearly and her cheekbones were lifted highly.

Rose threw her arms around Bella’s smaller form, bending slightly to hug her. Bella’s eyes glittered with familiarity and love as she wrapped her own slender arms around Rose. The two best friends reunited once more.

“You don’t know how long I’ve waited for this!” Rose squealed like a little girl, her aura contagious. “Esme’s right. Divine is a word that falls short.” Her eyes scanned over Bella quickly and instead of blushing like she normally would, she giggled into her hand, the sound like tinkling bells.

She turned and I continued to study her. She was encased in a pair of her traditional jeans, except these were skinnies and they showed off her physique. She wore a silk, long sleeved, blouse and on her feet were a pair of heels that added to her small frame.

Her eyes turned, scanning me, but she kept her distance and didn’t bother to say a word. I couldn’t help but feel slightly stung by her indifference after so many years. She would’ve never done this back in the day, she would’ve ran to me and thrown her tiny arms around my neck in a ‘proper greeting’ as she called it.

“Esme.” She said softly. “Let me help you with something.” Esme immediately shook her head and untied the apron, placing it softly on top of the countertop.

“No such thing.” She countered. “You are my guest.”

“But—”

“Besides, everything’s all done.” A mischievous glint sparkled in Esme’s eyes and I realized she must’ve purposely baked ahead of time so that Bella didn’t have anything to help with. As expected, Bella’s lips pursed before she sighed in resignation.

“Let me see!” She suddenly spluttered happily, grasping Rosalie’s left hand in both of hers, spreading her fingers to get a good look at the shining rock on her finger. “It’s gorgeous.” She said dreamily and Rose’s answering smile was one of confidence. She loved showing off her engagement ring and would frequently be caught mid-conversation going on about it. Her smile waned for a moment as she stared down at Bella.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered and Bella’s head lifted in response.

“Sorry? For what?” Esme gave Carlisle the wine and then proceeded to grab the pie, walking in her towering stilettoes, to the dining room. She was going to inspect that all the silverware was in its correct place and that the lighting was perfect for the occasion. She was a woman who prided herself in the tiny details and would often check every inch of something before it was put to display. Today seemed to be no exception.

“For the wedding.” Rose seemed so ashamed to say it. _That’s right,_ I thought, _Bella never came for the wedding._ Bella wrinkled her nose but otherwise had no negative reaction.

“I understand, don’t excuse yourself. I don’t blame you.” I could read it in her eyes why she didn’t feel offended, it’s as if they were screaming _‘I haven’t been around’_. At the thought, I picked up my beer and swung it for another sip, my eyes never removing off of her.

“So after eight years, you’re our guest of honor?” I heard the sarcasm rolling off my tongue in my own ears. She glanced in my direction and shrugged.

“Clearly.” She replied shortly. Emmett’s eyes grew wary as he stared between me and her. Rose bit her lip, giving me a subtle shake of her head. Everyone was on their toes but I remained seated as calmly as possible while I continuously stared at her. I half-expected her to start squirming as she usually did, in her old black converses, but instead she stared straight at me, without so much as a twitch.

The staring went on for another thirty seconds, the heavy ticking of the clock heard throughout the house. Her eyes weren’t blazing but rather controlled behind a thick mask. She was hiding something that much I could tell, but I had no idea what it was.

“Edward.” Emmett warned slowly but I barely looked his way, my eyes pinned to Bella’s form. Rosalie opened her mouth to say something when Esme called.

“Pie!” Rosalie peeled herself from Bella and reluctantly walked to Emmett so they could make their way to the kitchen, their quiet whispering trailing along behind them. Bella and I stayed for another minute, our eye contact still intact, but we remained silent.

“You look different.” I observed, taking another drag from the bottle.

“As do all of you.” I shrugged, tilting the beer bottle in my hand for lack of words. My throat was parched and my usually sharp tongue was lied still without a single thing to stay. The sounds of heels clicking alerted me to her departure from the kitchen into the dining room. I frowned but otherwise made my way to the table where everyone sat, taking my place directly in front of her.

Esme had an equally proportioned part on everyone’s plate matched with a glass filled with white wine. Linen napkins lay opened and the appropriate silverware was directly on top. I removed my suit jacket and placed it on the couch closest to the table. It was silent, the room filled with the semi-quiet chews, clanking silverware and soft tapping of wine glasses. The aura was too quiet that it was sickening and I was slowly driving myself mad.

“Bella, what brings you here after so _long_?” I picked up a piece of the pie to put into my mouth casually. I emphasized the word long and I saw Emmett’s eyes peek up to me. I could practically read the harsh warning in his eyes. She finished taking a sip of her white wine, placing the glass back delicately on top of the table, before wiping her lip and giving a tight smile.

“Personal matters.” She replied smoothly. No sign of red cheeks, no sign of down casted eyes. From my peripheral, I saw Carlisle wipe at his lips, reaching for his glass. _Personal matters?_ What could _she_ possibly still hold onto in Forks after being gone so long? Her empty smile and lack of response irked me, it gnawed at my insides. The familiar feeling that had been dormant, woke up, and bothered me to continue poking at her until I got a response.

“Oh.” I slowly swallowed. “How long will you be gracing us with your presence?”

“For the moment, indefinitely.” Although, the strange spark flared through my body, I couldn’t help the growing irritation that came along with it at her vague answers. I wanted responses not half-ass answers. I opened my mouth to say something, when Esme cut me off.

“How has everything been?” Esme was truly curious to know how life was for her. She had known Bella since she was practically born which led to us growing up together. My mom and Bella’s mom were school friends and were inseparable. Renee was her name and she was a very pretty woman. Certain features of hers were passed along to Bella, like for example, her eyes.

“Everything’s been good. Alice and I recently redecorated our apartment.” The infamous Alice was her cousin from her father’s side. Her first cousin. Aro was Charlie’s brother and therefore Bella’s uncle. They didn’t live in Forks though because, from what Bella told me, her uncle moved away as soon as he graduated. She used to go visit them for three weeks at a time twice a year but I never met them. _So she’s been living with Alice._

“How is Alice?” Esme asked, cradling her hands together on the top of the table.

“She’s good. She came with me to Forks.”

“You must bring her!” Esme suggested instantly and I crinkled a brow. “I’d love to officially meet her. You and her have been living together for a while?” Bella’s lips rubbed and she stared at her half-eaten pie.

“You could say that.” Her voice was somber and I saw the reaction on Esme’s face. Upset would be an understatement. The awkwardness in the air confirmed that Bella had been living with Alice ever since her mother’s passing.

I remember passing by my mom’s room on a Sunday night after football practice and seeing her crying, with puffy eyes, and black mascara down her cheeks. I was so worried, frantically asking her what was wrong until she reluctantly confessed that Bella’s mom had passed that morning. She was distraught over the knowledge of her best friend’s death and I was…stunned. I shook my head, pushing the memories away that seemed to start pouring back with her appearance.

“I’m sorry.” Esme excused herself and Carlisle placed a soft hand on top of hers, in a form of comfort. Bella shook her head, poking the pie.

“Don’t be sorry. It’s okay, don’t worry. But I’ll bring Alice so you could meet her.” Esme’s spirits seemed to have lifted, making my father equally happy.

The conversation went on smoothly for the rest of dinner for everyone except me. I barely uttered three more words with the events that happened today. Esme eventually cleaned up with Carlisle’s help and danced off to the sink to wash everything, leaving the four of us sitting together around the large table, like when we were younger.

“You’re staying in Forks, Bella?” Emmett asked idly playing with Rose’s long fingers. It was a habit he’d picked up from when they first started dating.

“Yep so you’ll be seeing me.” She gave him a soft smile.

“We have to hang out.” Rose piped in like a singing bird. “To fill each other in on the details of life.”

“Sure. I’ll stop by your job afterwards to come here. I’ll bring Alice.” Rose had never met Alice and although she was wary of meeting new people, especially women, she was sure that a friend—or rather a family member—of Bella’s was a good person.

“You know where I work right?” Bella rolled her eyes with an amused expression.

“Probably at the only elementary school in town. Forks is small and _everything_ gets around fast.” I didn’t miss the way she stressed the word everything. I tilted my glass back all the way and finished the remaining liquid in one shot.

I remained observant rather than aggressive throughout the rest of the night. I studied her reactions to everything, comparing them to the one’s I knew so well and seeing where they changed. At nine, she decided to leave and head back to sleep saying she was jetlagged after the long trip. She pecked, Esme, Carlisle, Emmett and Rose’s cheek and went to walk by me. I half-raised an eyebrow, following her to the living room, feeling the burning eyes Emmett on my back. She reached down to grab her black bag and I stopped behind her, watching her body freeze in response. _So she’s not completely unresponsive to me._ I bent down so that my lips were by her ear and felt her slow breathing.

“I’ll be seeing you tomorrow then, Bella.” My lips found her cheek pressing down, as the tradition we had, before pulling away. She frowned and stomped out the door, not daring to look back once. I was half-satisfied, half-disappointed. I saw her pull out of the driveway, in her black rental car, onto the main road.

“What was with all the interrogating?” Emmett questioned from behind, his voice firm. I merely shrugged and plopped onto the sofa.

“I was merely asking questions that I was curious about.” His brow furrowed. “I would hardly call that interrogating.”

“Oh please. You’re a fucker and I know you too well. You were purposely trying to provoke her so that she’d tell you the answers. You were _dying_ to know more about her because that’s always been you when it came to her.” He had a knowing look in his eye. “You’ve always wanted to know more.”

“Its human nature to be curious.” I tapped my fingertips against the cushions of the couch.

“Except human nature isn’t your thing.” He countered. “Listen, I know you too well to know where you’re going with this.” He picked up a hand. “Leave her alone, Edward. I mean it.” I leaned forward, relatively bored with this speech.

“I didn’t know she also paid for a lawyer.” He shoved at my shoulder. He continued talking but I tuned him out. I didn’t need to hear his tired, brotherly, threats and I certainly needed more time to get this girl talking. Talking like she used to talk to me all that time ago.

Now in my room, I stared at the ceiling, wondering what the difference in her was besides her appearance. I hadn’t expected the largest hug in the world, but I was definitely not expecting such indifference—especially from her. Not after everything.

 


	3. Chapter 2

 

Esme was dancing around the kitchen with the soft crooning of Beethoven in the background as she scattered ingredients on top of the counter. Her hair was picked up in a chignon and she wore a violet dress. She had retired from her job after working there for almost twenty years and now just walked around looking for adventure. I took off for the reasons of not dealing with anyone from work but also to see Bella when she came over.

There was a knock on the front door that was barely audible due to the music. Esme’s head turned fractionally in that direction before turning back to me.

“Honey, will you please get the door for me?”

“Of course.” I stood up and made my way to the door, running a hand thoroughly through my hair to somewhat ease the messiness. I opened the door, greeted by Rosalie’s friendly steel eyes and answering smile. She had her bag hanging on the crook of her elbow and a piece of paper clutched in her hand. “Hi, Rose.” She stepped forward, inside, pecking my cheek.

“Hey Edward.” Behind her was the main star of the whole waiting game. Bella stood there, tall, in a pair of black, pointed toe, stilettoes and pencil skirt. Her hair was tumbling over her shoulders and I saw her features were enhanced by makeup. She had a cat-flick over her eyes and it seemed she traded in her chap stick for a rose lipstick. My eyes were running over her, taking in the new sight of her that I’ve never seen. I wasn’t the only one staring; she also had her eyes glued to me, the flash of recognition sparking in her eyes. I assumed my laid back, casual, jean and t-shirt outfit reminds her of my everyday outfit when I was younger. A female cleared her throat behind her, although she was out of view, and Bella snapped out of her trance. Her eyes becoming ghost-like as she stared back at me.

“Edward.” She nodded in acknowledgement, taking a step to the side to reveal the female behind her. She was the smallest of the three women with a black bob and oversized sunglasses on her face. “My cousin--Alice.” As if on instinct, she offered me her hand, giving it a firm shake.

“You’re Cullen, then?” It was a rhetorical question because she stepped through without another word. _So it’s clear she knows about me._ Bella took her to the kitchen to introduce her to Esme who immediately started gushing to her with friendliness and kindness.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Alice responded with a bright smile on her face. Rose turned to me and braced herself against the island.

“Emmett will be here within the next forty-five minutes or so.” She informed and I nodded. Something caught Esme’s eye and she touched Rose’s arm.

“What’s this?” It was the paper she was clutching in her hand. She pulled it back, another huge smile on her face.

“It’s a drawing one of my students made of me.” She pressed it on top of the island, so everyone could see, and smoothed out any lines as if it were a treasure map. In the picture, there was a stick figure version of her with long arms and legs and long hair that almost reached her feet, drawn in yellow crayon. There was green spikes on the bottom of the paper probably meant to be grass and a yellow crescent, which matched her hair color, on the corner of the page with yellow rays. There were also stretched ‘V’s scattered throughout the page, depicting birds. Overall, it was the work of a kid, but it looked like the world’s treasure to Rose. “She’s talented and I love it.” She murmured.

Rosalie took pride in each of her students. I had seen her in action when I stopped by mid-class to give her a package from Emmett. She was stern when she needed to be but a giant mush ninety three percent of the time. In her eyes, kids could do no wrong for her to despise them. She had her students’ pictures pinned in her house on a collage board and some hung in her classroom.

“How beautiful.” Esme smiled, delicately touching the edges of the picture with her fingertips.

“It’s going up on my collage at home.” She neatly placed it in her bag.

“I think you’re going to need another one.” I remarked and she laughed.

“I actually do. Can you get me one? I’ll give you the money tomorrow.” I shrugged.

“Sure.”

“Thanks.” A cellphone rang, blaring into the kitchen, making Esme jump.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I have to get that.” She gave a warm smile. “Excuse me.” She left and Rose stared at me expectantly, basically telling me to get the fuck out.

“Edward, don’t you have some project to work on?” Her eyes narrowed slightly and I imagined she wanted to talk girly things with Bella and Alice. The corner of my lip twitched and I reached for my glass of water.

“Finished and presented, Rose. Yesterday, actually. I think I’ll stick around.” Cue her eyes narrowing even more. I could basically hear her message, _‘You asshole’._

“It’s no problem.” Alice chirped in. “The more the merrier, I always say.” I noticed Bella’s eyes flash to hers for a moment, but her body remained still. I like Alice already. She seemed to be the only reasonable one here.

Esme must’ve been having a long conversation on her phone with one of her town friends, because it has been over twenty five minutes and she hasn’t returned. The girls seemed to relax a bit with my presence and forget I was there. They talked about their lives in the last two months and laughed here and there.

“Now you know the big juicy question is coming.” Rose giggled into her hand. “Boyfriend?” I half-raised my eyebrow, my body leaning forward of its own accord. _This_ was a question that interested me greatly. Bella tucked a stray hair behind her ear, her eyes blinking rapidly.

“Not at this very moment.” A deep breath exhaled from my body, a breath I didn’t even know existed. My fingers also uncurled from underneath the counter, flexing the stiffness I had in the short ten second span.

“Oh come on.” Alice rolled her eyes at her jokingly, a teasing smirk, gracing her face. “You can’t simply dismiss Alec like that.” That sudden relief dissipated and anger engulfed my insides, trying to escape. My fist recalled other times and was singing to me to find this man and bash his face. It screamed for the familiar feeling of cracking someone’s nose and in turn slicing the skin over my own knuckles. A feeling I had so very well toned-down.

“Alec isn’t my boyfriend, Al.” Bella corrected but I could tell Rose’s eyes were interested by the way they sparkled. “Going out on dates does not equate to boyfriend.”

“Perhaps not. But he would love it.” My teeth were pressing so hard that they might just crack through one another.

“I’d love to know about this guy.” Rose wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and Bella rolled her eyes.

“I can imagine.” She replied dryly and in that second Rose’s phone rang. She stared at the name before sliding it to open the call.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Her brows knitted together as she patiently waited for Emmett’s answer. “Yeah sure thing.” She shut the phone and stood up. “Emmett’s coming and wanted me to open the door, he’s bringing something for Esme.” She shrugged and started to walk out when Alice stopped her.

“The famous Emmett? I’d like to meet him.”

“Come, I’ll introduce you.” She smiled at her and waved her to the living room. Now all that was left was Bella who stood by the fridge, avoiding all eye contact with me, and me, burning in this fucking stool like a fucking maniac. She looked so cool and aloof that it kept pushing me over. I wanted her to explain that nothing was true and I had nothing to worry about. I wanted her to put her small hands on my chest to try and uselessly stop me from wanting to crack somebody. I wanted her to react, but she didn’t. So I did.

I stood up sharply, catching her eye, but she remained unmoving. I made my way over to her in five long strides and stood, breathing fire.

“Who the fuck is Alec?” I nearly spat the name as her eyes finally blinked back at me.

“I already said who he was.” She replied. “Someone I was seeing.”

“Who the _fuck_ does he think he is?” I growled, my hands fisting to the point that my nails pressed into the skin of my palm, biting harshly. “No.” I shook my head. “You’re _mine,_ Bella.” My hands encased hers. “Mine.” I repeated and she frowned, snatching her hands away.

“I’m not yours. I’m nobody’s. I belong to me.” She pointed at her chest and from the distance I heard Emmett’s voice talking to Esme. She pivoted on her heel and stomped out, leaving me simmering in the kitchen like Lucifer in hell. _Not mine?_ She was fucking delusional. She’s always been mine and will _always_ be mine.

* * *

 

Carlisle eventually came over and commenced dinner. It went better than yesterday, but my body was still vibrating with anger. Bella laughed along, sipping her wine and cutting her meat, chatting here and there.

“So how are you readjusting to Forks?” Carlisle asked.

“It definitely rains a lot more here than in New York.” She joked and I wiped at my lip. _So New York’s where she’s been this whole time?_ My eyes glanced at Esme who expertly avoided my eyes. “But I grew up here most of my life.” Her eyes scanned around. “So it’s not so much of a culture change.”

“What’s the Big Apple like?” Emmett continued, taking a forkful of his meat.

“It’s busy and crowded and filled with the rush of the city.”

“It’s a beautiful place.” Alice added. “But it’s definitely not a small town like Forks. Not everyone knows one another.”

“Unless you’re a socialite or Wall Street business man.” Bella corrected. “Then your life is continuously documented. It’s certainly not quiet, but it reminds you you’re always surrounded by life.”

“Sounds like a beautiful place.” Esme breathed dreamily. “We must go, Carlisle.”

“If you ever do, please, stay with us. It would my honor.” Bella smiled and Esme brightened.

“Thank you, sweetheart. I will always keep that offer in mind.”

Bella kept her distance from me for the rest of the night and every time I tried to approach her or get her to talk, Esme or Emmett would constantly call my name. It’s like they knew my intentions, which I’m sure they do, and tried to prevent it.

She eventually left with Alice, leaving me with a bitter taste in my mouth and an unsatisfied body. I growled in frustration and made my way up the stairs after everyone left and I finished helping my parents. I showered and sat on my bed, pensive, running a towel through my damp hair.

My body was going through a turmoil. It was more than happy to see her, it was ecstatic but the other half was angry, resentful, for the way she’s changed. Changed towards me—someone she called her best friend. Someone she cried on or she talked to in the middle of the night when she wasn’t allowed to be on the phone.

Bella was kept under lock and key when we were younger. Her parents—especially her father—were overprotective of her. Overprotective was an understatement. Bella had scheduled hours to be out and to be home, she went from school to back home and vice versa. Her father wanted no boy to see her and sometimes I thought that he had a chastity belt in his closet to force on her.

I was the only exception because I was Esme’s son. Renee never let Charlie bar us and so he only grew to trust Emmett and me when it came to Bella. She was only ever allowed somewhere with me and I was the only boy allowed to bring her home, let alone to enter it. Their overbearing nature had effects on Bella making her a shy little, obedient, lamb.

I had heard that Charlie returned after they left, without Renee or Bella, but he never made his presence an announcement. If Bella’s back that must mean that she’s staying with him. It’s only natural. I wanted to go and visit the house, but something told me it wouldn’t be the most prudent thing to do.

I paced through my room, thinking of strategies, plans, techniques to try and get into Bella’s mind. She was usually such an open book to read. Her emotions were plain on her face and she wore her heart on her sleeve. There was never one thing she could truly hide from me, but now? Now it seemed as though she’s mastered the art of a façade. She was expertly hiding everything she felt and I wondered what it was that had her so different.

Then there was her cousin Alice who was an overall nice person. She was polite, civil, bubbling with excitement. But she also reeked of mischief and her little sporadic comments throughout dinner proved it. She seemed to pick up on my buttons and pushed them with little effort. She wasn’t warmed up to me, but she certainly knew about me to bother me. _What did Bella tell her?_

Slipping on a pair of pajama pants, I sat on my bed. It won’t be so easy for Bella to ignore me when she’s in the same town as me and constantly visiting my house. A smile creeped onto my face at the realization. 


	4. Chapter 3

_Edward was sitting on the grass, observing the movements of it as it delicately swayed with the light breeze. It was a strangely sunny day in Forks, the dull light hitting every corner it could reach and bathing him in its warmness._

_“Edward!” A squeaky feminine voice called making the little bronzed haired boy turn out of his state of thinking to see a thin girl running towards him. She had on her traditional boot-cut jeans and black, dirty, converse. The smile was evident on her face, indicating her excitement for her best friend. She reached him and jumped off the ground, leaping into him and wrapping her arms furiously around his neck. He caught her, like always, and pressed them together before softly placing her on the floor._

_“Bella, who brought you?” She shrugged._

_“Myself.” Her voice was barely audible due to her embarrassment. He grimaced down at her._

_“Be careful.” He didn’t want anything to happen to her and as she realized that her heart danced in her chest. She couldn’t help but find Edward cute with his trimmed hair and quirky smile. While everyone already had boyfriends and girlfriends, Bella didn’t. At the tender age of thirteen she had yet to be kissed, let alone have a boyfriend. Her parents and Edward made it impossible._

_Whenever Edward saw her talking to a boy that looked a little too interested in her, he would storm in with nostrils flared and get him away from her. One part of her always got upset but the larger part always swelled in hope that perhaps he was jealous and liked her back too._

_“Edward,” Esme’s soft voice popped through into the yard. Her strange bronze, brown, hair waving with the wind. “Bring Bella in so you can both eat!”_

_“Okay, mom!” He answered back before turning to the shy girl beside him. He offered her his palm, which she blinked at, before sliding hers onto it, blushing like mad. Both walked hand in hand into the house with little smiles on their faces._

 

* * *

 

 

On a Saturday afternoon, the sky was its strangely gray color. Esme had cooked for Carlisle but he forgot to take his lunch since he rushed out, so as a favor she asked me in her most motherly, adorable, voice to take it to him. I couldn’t deny her, so I agreed and got into my car, driving into town to the hospital.

I felt so out of place with my jeans and white t-shirt and black Ray Bans while everyone had on their white uniforms or lab coats. Female eyes flickered to me, coquettish smiles gracing their faces. They knew that I was the son of their boss but they didn’t care; I’m pretty sure that added to the thrill of their fantasy. They were attractive females but I wasn’t about to have any sort of tryst with my dad’s employees.

I turned to one of the nurse’s at the desk, watching her eyes flutter rapidly. Giving my most charming smile, I looked at her from above the rim of my sunglasses and placed a hand on the edge of the desk.

“I’m looking for my father.” Her breathing hitched for a moment before she seemed to regain herself.

“Dr. Cullen.” She said softly to herself as if she was reassuring herself that he was the doctor I wanted. “He’s in the E.R. for the moment, can I—”

“Edward?” I turned and saw blonde hair giving away their identity.

“Jazz.” I stepped away from the desk with a nod of my head and shook his hand, clapping his back. Jasper was a new doctor that my dad hired after his internship here. I’ve known him since he first interned here three years ago and saw him quite a lot. He was a good friend and we’d hang out from time to time. He’s a relatively laid back person off duty with a laid back personality, but when he was at work he was very diligent and anal about things. He grew on my father since his first year and had him train under him personally. “How are you?”

“Good.” He said with a smile. “Working on a Saturday. But how are you? I’m surprised to see you here.” I picked up the bag that held Carlisle’s food and understanding flooded his face. “Ah, he’s in the E.R. but I’ll take it and put it away for him.”

“Thanks. How’s Jane?” Jane was Jasper’s girlfriend of three years. They had met in med school and started dating there. She was a smaller version of him with blonde hair and baby blue eyes, but she always had a bitchy attitude when it came to other people. That’s where they differed. I only met her a handful of times but she wasn’t one of the most pleasant women to come across, in fact, it left me wondering how _he_ got along with her.

“She’s…” He pondered for a moment, looking for the right word. “Good. She’s working too.” From the corner of my eye, I saw Bella walk out with a crease on her brow, followed by Carlisle. _Bella and Carlisle? Was she the one in the E.R.?_ My eyes scanned her quickly but there was no sign of a cast or of any stitches. What could she be doing here?

Jasper followed my eyes and spotted them too. Bella stopped, turning to say something else to Carlisle who merely smiled and shook his head. Curiosity was burning at me but I remained observant. She relaxed and then turned, catching me, and froze.

“I guess she must have caught him coming out of the E.R.” Jasper commented nonchalantly, probably reading my expression as irritated that my father was talking to someone.

“I somehow doubt that.” I replied, taking a step forward. She immediately turned and rushed out without a single glance behind her. Carlisle stuffed his hands in the pocket of his lab coat, a smile gracing his features.

“Edward, what a pleasant surprise.” His eyes saw the bag and he chuckled under his breath. “I seem to be quite forgetful these days.” He grabbed his lunch from me. “Thank you, son, and please tell your mother thank you.”

“I will. Dad, why was Bella here?” Jasper looked to us, surprised I knew the woman. Clearly, he never had and that was strange because everyone knew everyone in Forks. Carlisle’s smile faded a bit before he cleared his throat.

“Excuse me.” He said. “Bella needed medicine, Alice wasn’t feeling well.” He gave Jasper his lunch. “Could you please put that for me in the refrigerator?”

“Of course.” As he walked away, my dad laughed.

“And please write my name on it. We know Oliver is always ‘confusing’ our lunch.” Jasper laughed as well, nodding. He turned back to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. “If you’ll excuse me, son, I have to read a diagnosis to a very overly impatient patient.” In other words, the matter of the subject was closed. I nodded and he flitted off into his office, leaving me in the middle of the hospital, unsure, unconvinced and wondering what the hell was going on.

 

* * *

 

Days passed and Bella had come to visit us again, minus Alice. She spoke mostly to Esme and Carlisle, blandly ignoring me. My patience was wearing thin and I seemed to be reverting back to my old ways.

“If it isn’t my little best friend.” Carlisle had gone to check on his work cell phone and Esme went to grab some wine. Bella’s eyes travelled to me, her jaw taut, but her expression blank.

“I haven’t been your little best friend for years.” She responded, giving a small strike at my chest. Even though she’s been gone, she’s always been my best friend and I’ll consider her one forever. I took a seat on a stool, opposite of her.

“Now whose fault is that?” My tone was slightly teasing and her eyes narrowed. “Besides, I don’t consider that something that takes away our history.”

“Our history is that. History.”

“It’s not as simple as that.” I wagged a finger at her. “We spent just about every day together. Remember?”

“Edward, what is it you want from me?” Her voice was tired. I smirked at her, quickly glancing over her once.

“If you want to be technical—”

“Be literal.” She cut in.

“I would want a lot of things.” I continued. “I’d want to continue where we left off.” I reached for the hand that she snatched back.

“You’re shitting me?” Hearing her curse was a mixture of shock and comedy. She was always so proper and clean that she cursed once a year, if even that, and would always cover her mouth as if she would’ve said the greatest sin. Now, I chuckled at her.

“You cursing is something I’m going to have to get used to.”

“Leave me alone.”

“I can’t and you know that.” My tone shifted from mocking to serious in a snap. Her lips puckered and she leaned her chin on her palm.

“I don’t know anything when it comes to you.” She replied hastily.

“Don’t be silly. You’ve known me all of our lives, there’s probably no one that knows me better than you.”

“You need to get rid of your obsession to have me pinned to your side for whenever you need me.” This was probably the most we’ve spoken since she’s arrived and we were seconds away from arguing. I frowned at her tone and her words.

“I don’t have an obsession to keep you pinned to me. I like being next to you. I want to be next to you always and it’s not by choice.” I always simply _found_ myself being next to her. Her eyes merely flickered my way before she turned away.

“Don’t talk to me about choices, okay? We’re not the same and we will never be the same.” Esme was walking back from the basement with a bottle of wine in her hands. It wouldn’t be prudent to be fighting when she walked in, so I swallowed my bitterness and stood up, watching her eyes follow me.

“You’re trying to unsuccessfully fight against me.” I leaned forward slightly and watched her body tense, a reaction that made me smirk. “And you _won’t_ win, baby.” Her eyes flashed to me dangerously but I already made my way out of the kitchen. The word baby slipped in every once in a while when I was feeling truly happy or teasing her. Although, instead of getting angry, she would usually blush.

 

She eventually left after she received a phone call, but Em and Rose stopped by. They were upset they’d missed Bella by a few minutes but happily stayed for dinner when Esme invited them. Emmett was helping Esme bread the meat while Rosalie took a seat beside me.

“Well talk about role reversal.” I breathed as I watched Emmett pat the meat gently with his enormous hands while Rosalie sat, observing him, with a smirk on her face.

“I’m not complaining.” She shrugged. “So Bella’s back.” She started and I turned my expectant eyes on her.

“That’s the worst way to start a casual conversation.” I noted and she shrugged.

“You got what I meant.”

“Yes she’s back.” I felt a small smile tickle my lips at the thought. “Although, she’s nothing like when she left.”

“She’s a little different.” I snorted.

“A little?”

“Okay, she’s different, but what did you expect?” Esme and Emmett were in their own world, laughing loudly, while we were in our own. “It’s not like you both had the best of departures.” I frowned, glaring at the counter top.

“Let’s _not_ talk about that.”

“Why not? It’s been eight years. You should’ve grown up.”

“I have.” I argued, feeling as if I were talking to my mother. She always had this maternal way of speaking to someone, probing them.

“Edward, we know that while you’ve adapted to your surroundings you haven’t changed.” She tapped her filed nails carefully. “I saw it in the way you got irritated when Bella’s date was mentioned.” At the thought of another man, my fingers started to curl, to Rosalie’s enjoyment. “Like you are now.” She stared at my hand and I huffed. “Bella brings out the teenager in you that has gone dormant.”

“It’s a reaction I have.” I growled, screwing my eyes shut. “Everything that has to do with Bella, my body automatically responds to before my brain has a chance to think it through.”

“Listen, I love you like a shit-head of a brother, but I advise you to proceed with caution. Bella’s not so easily won over anymore and that can provoke your anger.”

“I’ve already thought this all through.” I mumbled. “I’m taking this as another chance to make Bella understand.” She smiled.

“Good luck to you.”

 

* * *

 

Bella has purposely been avoiding my house for the past five days, an annoying matter. I fixed my blazer, walking back home after a long day of work. The house was relatively empty which surprised me.

I grabbed my keys and got back in my car, driving to the nearest food place I could find. Ordering a cheeseburger and fries, I scrolled through my iPhone, finding not one message from everyone. _For a house that’s always full, it was too empty._ I had a beer before heading back home an hour later and seeing Carlisle’s car parked outside.

“Oh Edward!” Esme called with a winded expression. It looked like she ran a mile to get here. I frowned. “I’m sorry, I was out and so was your father.”

“Mom, it’s okay.” I soothed her, placing my hands on her forearms. “I’m not a little boy anymore.” She released a breath and shook her head. “Where’d you guys go?”

“I was out with some of the women from town.” Esme responded in less than a second. Her response sounded a little mechanical and Carlisle came in beside her.

“At the hospital.” His lips were thinned but he otherwise said nothing else. They were a little off, but I assumed it was just a problem between them. They’d figure it out. My phone rang and I saw it was Emmett.                                                                                                                      

“What happened?”

“Want to do something? I’m bored and Rose went out tonight.”

“Sure. Meet me in Port Angeles.” I hung up and turned to my parents. “I’ll be out with Emmett.” They nodded, so I kissed my mother’s cheek and hugged my father before walking out.

Arriving at a small bar, I saw him standing outside in his overall body-building glory. A wry smile on his face and his cell phone at hand.

“Finally.” He sighed. “Let’s go in. I could use a tequila.” The little pub was small and dimly lit with the soft buzzing of people whispering. It was a hole in the wall but it was perfect for small groups of people who wanted a place to talk and drink.

“Where’d Rose go?”

“She went to stay out with Bella.” He answered. “I think she’s spending the night. Not sure.”

“And leaving you?” I blinked. “Sounds odd. She’d pass up sex with you for a night with girls?” Emmett shrugged, pressing the button on his phone to check his home screen. He must’ve found nothing interesting come through because he re-stuffed it into his pocket.

“For her friends, Rose would do anything. And for Bella, Rose would bend over backwards for her.” Rosalie was a year older than Bella but had always treated her like the sister she always wanted. They’d been close since high school and was singularly the only woman that she would walk alongside with without having a nasty bitch face. Rose had often been there to stand up for Bella whenever she needed to and had gotten involved in a couple of our little disputes.

“Everything seems to have altered with her arrival.” I rubbed at my cheek, feeling the rough stubble that had grown over night since I was too lazy to shave.

“She’s been gone for a while, of course it would.” He had a genuine smile. “But I think one of the biggest changes is you.” I drummed my fingers and pretended not to hear him. “I know that you heard me, Edward.” I rose an eyebrow and shrugged. “She has an effect on you.”

“Do you want it in writing?”

“And you’re being a dick again.”

“That’s the simple nature of who I am.” I scoffed, taking the glass of scotch and tilting it from side to side, observing how the amber liquid moved whenever I moved the cup. Truly a fascinating sight when you’re trying to get distracted.

“You’re possessive, especially of her.”

“This isn’t why I agreed to come out. So for fuck’s sake, shut up.”

“Leave her alone, Edward.” He warned, his tone tinged with authority. I rose a challenging eyebrow at him. He knew I hated authority and I always went against it, this was of no difference. He didn’t dictate what I did especially when it came to Bella. He never understood the connection me and her had. No one did.

“Are you trying to stop me?” His position altered slightly and his arms flexed as he crossed them across his chest. It was a subtle warning.

“We can always go again if you really want to.” Emmett had no fear of anything, let alone my temper. He’d experienced it first hand when he pushed me to it. We had gotten in a fist fight and although I ended up with a fucked up hand, he didn’t escape unscathed either. The proof was the split skin over my knuckles and his black eye.

“If I have to, I will.” I took a swing of the liquor and watched his eyes study me. “Stop psycho-analyzing me you fucker.” I barked.

“Then stop acting fucking psychotic.” He checked his phone once more. “Bella doesn’t want anything with you.”

“Did you guys have a cute heart-to-heart?” I mocked, tightening my hold around the glass.

“Edward anyone with two fucking eyes can see that she’s not the same. That you’ve pushed her to the moment where she cracked.” I closed my eyes, adjusting my jaw to release the tension. “When she saw you with Jessica eight years ago, her judgement changed.”

“Fine.” I relented verbally only so he could stop throwing shit in my face. I wasn’t prepared to settle back, however, I wanted to hear from her lips what was going on.

 


	5. Chapter 4

 

_Edward was by the kitchen threshold, watching with dangerous slits the boy that Bella was talking to. She had gotten permission from her parents, after a lot of begging to her mom, with Edward’s help, to attend a party._

_She was excited to experience an actual party after being barred from them every time she asked. She was wearing a pair of skinny jeans instead of her boot-cut ones, paired with a pair of ballerina black flats and a navy blue shirt that showed just a bit of cleavage. Her mom helped her leave without her father’s knowledge over her outfit and she met up with Edward who waited by his car, appraising her softly filled in curves that she had gotten over the summer._

_Now both of them fifteen, they were both thoroughly going through puberty and changing. Their bodies, their voices, their face structure—everything. Edward was building some muscle with his sports and Bella was growing into herself. However, there was one thing that didn’t change—them. Bella still had a crush on Edward and Edward was still fiercely protective of Bella, allowing no other guy to look, at what he believed was his, with any mal intent._

_He knew the moment she walked out with clothes more form-hugging than usual, that she was going to turn heads. As they headed to the party Bella had pulled out a lipstick that she snuck from her mom and smeared it over her lips, an action that had caught Edward’s full attention—both through his eyes and his body. When they arrived, his nightmares came true. Boys talked to her and she caused heads to snap in her direction. So Edward stayed by the kitchen, staring, analyzing._

_Bella was having the time of her life with her drink in her hand. She was talking to a boy she thought was incredibly cute and sweet. He had been talking to her for a while and continued to be interested. He leaned forward, whispering into her ear and ran a finger down her arm, causing a shudder to run through her._

_At that moment, something inside Edward physically snapped. He heard it break and he felt his feet walk towards them before he could process it. He saw Bella’s cheeks enflame and her eyes fly to the floor._

_“Let’s go, Bella.” He gritted out, glaring at the guy in front of her. Her head immediately snapped up and was met with his burning emerald eyes, drilling holes into the face of the guy in front of her._

_“But Edwar—”_

_“She doesn’t need to leave.” The guy argued bravely, but inside he was a little worried. He’d heard about Edward, he had a reputation of beating people, especially if they came to close to Bella. He had balls to even be talking to her._

_“She does.” Edward shot back, his voice as sharp as a knife._

_“I could take her home.” The boy volunteered, glancing at Bella who had her eyes glued to Edward. She saw his body go rigid, a clear sign of his rage, and his hand fisted into a tight ball. Bella recognized this position and didn’t want him to get into any trouble or hurt the guy she had been talking to._

_“Edward, don’t.” She whispered, grabbing his arm, but Edward was long from listening to reason. His arm started to lift and she jumped into reaction. She hugged his fist to her chest, feeling the sharpness of his knuckles and turned to say her farewell to the deathly pale boy. She hauled him half way out before he turned the roles, grabbing her hand, and escorting her out of the packed house._

_When they were outside, he managed to get to the side of the house, turning her so she was looking at him. Her eyes were wide and gold, his favorite color, but her body knew this would happen._

_‘He always does this.’ She thought, the familiar feeling of joy diminishing._

_“Bella, you’re mine.” He said fiercely, watching her eyes brim with tears and cradling her face between his palms. “Mine.” He had ruined the night for her and she did mourn it but most of all she mourned that his words were not as truthful as she wanted them to be. She wanted to be his and she wanted him to be hers. An even exchange, but he always seemed to want someone else before returning to her. “You’re mine.” He repeated once more. “I’m taking you home.” He gently grabbed her hand in his, an action he wasn’t familiar with unless it was with Bella, feeling how small her hand was in his but how easily it fit._

 

* * *

 

 

“Edward, wake up.” A deep voice groaned groggily but I waved my hand, hoping that would make it go away or at least stop. “Wake the fuck up, man.”

“For fuck’s sake, Emmett, I’m trying to sleep.”

“It’s mid-day.” He stated matter-of-factly. Peeking one eye open, I saw him open the blinds of my room, letting the immensely bright light peek through. I hissed and rolled over so my face was in the mattress, back to the safety of the darkness.

“I don’t care.” I flung a pillow at him. “I’m trying to sleep. You wanted to stay out until four thirty.”

“I’m starved. I’ll pay for lunch.”

“Remind me never to go out with you again.” I sat up glaring at his smug smile and made it to shower.

 

Emmett suggested the small café to enjoy the rare sun. He was behind me texting Rose on his phone when I heard the sudden feminine squeaky voice.

“I’ll be right back, Bella!” That was Alice’s voice. She was leaving the front of a little library down the block with her phone firmly pressed against her ear, a smile evident on her face.

“I forgot something in the car.” I said to Emmett. “I’ll meet you inside. Get a table and order me what you’re getting.” He shrugged and walked in, still typing his message. I made my way inside, looking around at the nearly empty book place. There were only a few souls scattered in here, one of them being the owner that sat behind a desk, me and Bella. I quietly walked up and down the rows of bookshelves, my eyes searching and scanning, when I heard a book cover shut loudly. The sound wasn’t anything out of this world, but since it was empty here, it made a loud echo.

I followed it to be met with Bella’s back form. She held a book in her hand, letting her fingers slide delicately over the cover. Her body wasn’t encased in jeans today but rather a blue pencil skirt and high, nude, heels making my body and my most used body part twitch in response. I’d seen Bella in a dress maybe four times in the sixteen years we knew each other. But this sight was a true treat to the eye. Her lightly colored legs were lean and firm, leading up to her wonderful backside. An asset I had admired from the moment that she hit puberty and cursed when others noticed.

I quietly walked behind her and placed one hand on her hip, feeling her stiffen, and pressed my lips to her cheek. She whipped around furiously, hiding the book behind her, her eyes startled.

“You asshole.” She whispered. “Don’t fucking do that. You scared me.” I raised both hands up in surrender, chuckling softly.

“Sorry.”

“That was the most insincere sorry you’ve ever said.” Her eyes narrowed. “How did you know I was here?”

“It seems my body is still attuned to yours.” I shrugged. “I was by the café when I saw Alice. I assumed you were here.”

“And you just _had_ to come and see me.”

“Don’t I always?”

“Now that you’ve seen me, leave.” She waved her fingers at me and tried to turn but I stopped her by taking a step closer to her.

“I think we need to talk.”

“I don’t think we do.” She shot and I blew out some air.

“What’s going on with you?” I wondered. “Why is it you’re treating me as if you don’t know me?” Her lips thinned and she leaned her head against the wall.

“Why can’t you leave me alone?”

“Because I’ve never been able to.” I took a step closer to her, now invading her personal space, and had our chests only an inch apart. Her breathing hitched, her heart almost audible to my own ears, and her eyes flickered up to me—the image of the girl I knew returning. “Because your body doesn’t _want_ me to leave you alone.”

“Edward.” She drawled softly in that irresistible voice that had me wanting to beg her to continue. It was the voice that she’d probably use if we had sex and she’d scream when she was in a high of pleasure. Again, that dangerous body part twitched in response, waking up from its sleep. Her hands went to my chest and my eyes burned into hers. “Stop.”

“Do you really want me to?” Her lip was encased by her teeth, a habit that made me bite every girls’ lip in hopes that they looked half as good as the woman in front of me did. “You feel that shock running through us? The shock that is still strong after nearly a decade.” Her hands fell to her side and she tried to look away from me. “I want to talk about you. I want to know what you have been doing—” She flinched, causing my brow to crease.

“Nothing of your concern.”

“I’ll admit, I like your new attitude.” I ran my finger down her face but she slapped it away. “The fierceness is hot to another level.”

“That’s wonderful. Now. Move.” She said stoically, unsuccessfully pushing me away. “You just miss the idiot you manipulated.” I shook my head, surprised at her thoughts.

“I can see you don’t believe me.”

“No.” She snorted.

“Then let me show you.” I whispered against her face, her eyes widening and flickering to my lips as mine did the same. _Yes, we were attuned_. I leaned forward a bit and she pressed herself tighter against the wall. I pressed my lips over hers, feeling how smooth and soft they were, even for a woman who was wearing lipstick.

They were inviting and dancing along with mine, making my body reignite the old familiar feeling that floated through my body. My arms encircled her waist, pressing her against me, causing her legs to bow forward and her back to arch back. She felt like the softest thing one could think of—a cloud? No.

I licked her bottom lip and she gasped, giving my tongue access to the inside of her mouth. It was everything it was years ago—warm, inviting, sweet. It tasted of chocolate and hazelnut with a distinct flavor that was only her. My arms pressed her tighter and her hands went to my chest, fisting the material of my shirt in her hands. She gave a small purring sound that made me groan as our tongues danced, but it all ended too soon when I heard someone clear their throat.

Reluctantly we ripped apart, Bella more embarrassed then me. Her eyes were dark with lust, her pupils dilated and her lipstick smeared on her lips. I turned and saw it was Alice with her phone in her hand, an eyebrow raised and her eyes inspecting both of us.

“Al—” Bella started but Alice held up a hand.

“Nope. Don’t want any more details.” She stuffed her phone in her bag and turned to me. “Although, the _details_ are plain and evident on you.” She jutted her chin towards my pants causing Bella and me to look down. Clearly, my arousal was making itself very known to the public. My erection was in plain view and was straining against my pants in an almost painful notion.

“I guess libraries and books do it for me.” I wasn’t in the least bit ashamed. I don’t think sexual shame was something I even knew. Alice rolled her eyes.

“The medical section is a real turn on.” She bit back sarcastically and I caught Bella giving her a harsh look from my peripheral vision. _The medical section?_

“Are you studying to be a doctor and I don’t know about it?” I asked Bella who was wiping her lips of the pink lipstick mess. “Carlisle would be real proud to know that someone followed in his footsteps.”

“No.” She pushed her hair behind her shoulders. “I’m just into having knowledge and now it’s time for us to go. Alice.” She turned to her cousin who was immediately by her side.

“Bella you’re going to have to talk to me eventually.”

“Let eventually be never, Edward.” She left to the desk and then walked out. After a good five minutes passed, I left the bookstore back to the café where Emmett sat with a coffee mug in front of him and a coke beside him.

“There you are. The fuck did you go? I’ve been here for fifteen minutes.” He wasn’t angry but he sure was curious.

“The thing I needed took longer than necessary.”

“Well you should wipe the corner of your lip because unless you became addicted to makeup you should be worried.” I hurriedly wiped at my lip with my linen napkin, to his utter amusement.

 

* * *

 

A trait Esme has always said I possessed since I was a baby was determination. She’d always tell the story of when I started to walk.

“You were only seven months and would try to wobble your way to stand, using the edge of the table.” She would say with a fond smile and half closed eyes as she thought back to the memory. “Then you’d fall on your little rump and get mad.” She’d laugh and shake her head. “You’d make this adorable pout and bang your little fists against the floor before you tried again. You were a determined little munchkin.”

Determination is something I always strived for. To obtain what I set my mind to. It’s the way I’ve operated for years and whether I used that determination to break every rule or to be an ‘A’ student, it’s been my motto. There was no difference now, except that Bella was making this harder than it needed to be.

She’d been coming over a few times when I was at work, purposely so she couldn’t see me. She was sly, I had to give her that, and intelligent. But then again, she was always intelligent. Jasper was over, I had invited him earlier in the week but he had declined. This time it was him who called me and I was surprised by his bleak voice. Company didn’t hurt anyone.

“I almost have enough for the car I’ve been wanting.” He sighed twiddling with his fingers on the island, a beer in front of us both.

“Car? I thought you were working to put a down deposit on a place for you and Jane.” They lived separately but he has been wanting to move in with her for the last year, but they were short on money. He grimaced, taking a swing of his beer and ruffling his hair.

“That _was_ the plan. Things with Jane haven’t been smooth and moving in with her now will most likely intensify our problems. I’d like at least a little peace and quiet in the solitude of my home.”

“No offense Jazz, but took you long enough.” I breathed and he raised his beer with a small shake of his head.

“None taken.” The door opened and in walked Bella, her stilettoes giving her away completely. Jasper turned to see who was coming in, his eyes momentarily entranced by her. He was checking her out, making the steam start to rise in my body. He had seen her before, but he didn’t exactly notice her—it seemed he was making up for that now.

“How are you supposed to never talk to me when you’re always here?” I casually sipped my beer, watching her reaction from the rim. She narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms.

“Esme invites me.” Jasper stood up and extended his hand towards her, a flirtatious smile gracing his features.

“Jasper meet my _best friend,_ Isabella Swan.” She threw me a look but pleasantly put her hand in his, smiling in return. “Jasper’s a doctor with my dad at the hospital.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Jasper.”

“The pleasures mine, Isabella.”

“Please.” She shook her head. “Call me Bella. Isabella seems too formal and is just a mouthful.” Esme walked through at that moment, hair up and a towel in her hands. She smiled when she saw Bella and immediately clasped her hands.

“I’m so glad you made it, darling.”

“Don’t mention it, Esme. You know I enjoy spending time with you, it’s a big…relief in my day.” A look passed between the two women and I saw a glint of sadness in Bella’s eyes. Esme touched her face, smoothing her fingers over her cheeks.

“Come.” She took her away as Jasper watched after her.

“You’re staring bluntly for a man who has a girlfriend.” I said coolly and his eyes snapped back to me, slightly embarrassed.

“I didn’t know she was friends with you.”

“We’ve known each other since the crib days.” Jasper nodded and we flowed back into another conversation while mom took Bella somewhere in the house. The constant question of what was wrong with Bella was flooding my mind. I had to find out—I was determined.

 


	6. Chapter 5

** Chapter 5 **

_Bella laid on her bed, biting her lip, seeing the broken eyeliner her father snapped on the floor. Tears brimmed her eyes and she cradled her knees against her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs._

_She didn’t understand what was wrong with being a girl. Why she couldn’t_ be _a girl. It seemed normal for boys to be attracted to girls, especially now at the age of sixteen. She wanted to dress more like herself than like a girl hiding herself. She had bought the eyeliner, planning on wearing it to school, with the ideology that if her father saw it on her he couldn’t do anything about it. Little did she know her plan would back fire and he would go ballistic with anger. She was now crying while Renee and Charlie argued downstairs. Renee was livid with Charlie’s actions trying, with no success, to defend her daughter against Charlie’s ridiculous worries._

_There was a tapping on her window that startled her and when she looked up she saw it was Edward crouched with a smirk on his face, in his leather jacket. She checked that her door was locked and swung her legs to run over to him, wiping her face with the back of her hand. Using her strength, she opened the window, causing it to creek which made her wince. There was a rose wall that her mother grew that Edward climbed up from time to time. She stepped back and he carefully climbed in, immediately filling the room with his cologne and the smell of cigarette._

_“You smell.” Bella wrinkled her nose and his grin widened, his eyes slightly hazy, meaning he drank. Bella sighed._

_“Just a little party.” She knew that meant he probably had his tongue down some girl’s throat and then proceeded to have sex with her. Parties were his favorite thing because he said the girls were drunk and easier than usual._

_“My parents are going to find you.”_

_“No. Not if we keep quiet.” He placed a finger over his lips with a smirk and a mischievous glint in his eye._

_“Edward, Esme and Carlisle are going to be worried.”_

_“I told them I was sleeping over Ben’s house. They’ll be fine.” His fingers went to her cheek and she shivered from both his rough, frozen, fingers and the pleasurable sensation. A frown marred his face and he gripped her chin. “What’s wrong?”_

_“Nothing.” She walked away and he followed right after her—like a magnet. He didn’t believe her, he knew those sad puppy eyes when he saw them._

_“Bella, I’m your best friend. I know you’re lying, you suck at it.”_

_“I don’t understand why I can’t just be me, Edward.” She gave in and his frown deepened at her words, for one moment thinking he had done something to her._

_“What do you mean?”_

_“Dad saw a little make up and got angry. I’m sure you can see what the rest is.” His eyes found the cracked makeup and sighed. This wasn’t the first time it’s happened and it surely wouldn’t be the last. Although, he didn’t believe Bella needed makeup to look amazing he didn’t see the problem with her experimenting. This was the age when girls played with makeup and went through trial and errors until they mastered their own specific look. He bent down, grabbing the black kohl in his hand and turned the pieces from side to side._

_“I’ll buy you a new one.” Bella took the pieces from him and walked to her trash can, dumping them in the process._

_“No. It’s fine. It’ll just end up like this anyways. Broken.” She shrugged and Edward saw the struggle on her face to just accept her life. It made him feel a sudden ache to see her upset._

_“I’m always going to be here for you.” He vowed, cradling her face in his hands, seeing the wet tears well up in those golden, molten, eyes he was always mesmerized with. His thumbs traced her cheekbones feeling a sensation of enjoyment from the simple action. Bella was the only girl, besides Esme, that he enjoyed showing affection to but Bella didn’t know that. These were the moments Edward allowed himself to be vulnerable and raw. “And if you want to cry, I’m here for you.”_

_“I’ll mess up your jacket.” He snorted softly at her stupid statement. Of course she would think of that at a time like this. She always thought of him before herself._

_“It’s leather for a reason.” He took a step back and sat on her bed, patting the spot beside him. “Come.” She quickly crawled up next to him and laid her head on his shoulder, letting the tears spill onto his jacket. Seeing her upset wasn’t something he liked and he’d stay until she at least fell asleep, it was the least he could do. Bella smelled the alcohol off of his breath but ignored it for now, just concentrating on Edward. In the small, quiet, room the loudest thing heard was their unheard feelings._

 

* * *

 

 

Jasper’s phone rang and he instantly scowled which meant that it had to be Jane. He excused himself and I nodded, leaving him in the kitchen so he’d have some privacy. I walked up the stairs, wondering where Esme took Bella. My question seemed to be answered when she rounded the corner, her eyes tired.

“You don’t look so well.” I startled her before her favorite grimace graced her face.

“And you’re charming, as per usual.” She crossed her arms, avoiding eye contact with me altogether. Something wasn’t right, something was making her work up. My hand reached out and touched her forearm, causing her to blink rapidly.

“Are you okay?”

“Fine.”

“You’re a shit liar.” She narrowed her eyes at me.

“You might’ve mentioned that before.”

“And yet it’s still true.” She slapped my hand away, no hint of amusement. “Bella, I wanted to say that I’m sorry for the loss of your mother.” She stiffened for a moment, her eyes coming to me.

“You’re a few years late.” But of course she’d make this more difficult than it needed to be.

“I wanted to tell you but you ran away to god knows where. I called your cell.”

“I changed my number.” She said matter-of-factly. “Why are you telling me this now?”

“First, you tell me I’m a crass-asshole and now I’m too civil. There’s no winning with you.”

“That’s not what I meant, you idiot.” She snapped. “I mean why now. I’ve been here for nearly a month and you haven’t said anything before.”

“Because you typically run away when you see me.” I jabbed at her with all intents.

“I don’t run.” She argued with thin lips. “And because you’re usually saying something that probes at me or trying to stick your tongue down my throat.” I smirked, the seriousness seeming to leave the conversation for just a moment.

“You didn’t seem to mind when my tongue was down your throat the other day.” I took a step closer and she cautiously retracted one.

“This is why you’re a crass-asshole.” She murmured. “You don’t respect boundaries.”

“But you’ve always known that. I don’t play by the rules.”

“Which is why I left in the first place.” I stopped, the smile falling off my face as I saw hers. She was serious, with a straight face.

“What’s the reason?” She rolled her eyes, taking another step back, wanting the distance so that she could have control over this discussion.

“Oh, please, Edward. Don’t give me that.” She muttered. “ _You_ know why.” I might, but I want the confirmation.

“I want to hear you say it.”

“Why? There’s no point. The past is past.”

“Bella, I want to hear it from your mouth the reason why you left. I wan—” I was cut off by the loud screeching of a cell phone. Bella patted around until she got hold of her phone, sliding the answer button without even checking the screen.

“Alice, what’s wrong?” Her voice was on edge and her eyes seemed to be hoping for something bad. If it were even possible, she looked more stressed than when we were children. I would think that New York and being free from her parents would put a smile on her face. She bit her lip, her hand slightly shaking. “I’ll be right there.” She hung up the phone and walked right past me.

“Bella, what the hell’s going on?” She looked like she was running from hell itself and instead of saying anything she just rushed out, slamming the door shut behind her. Jasper peeked out from the kitchen with curiosity written all over his face.

“What happened?”

“I don’t fucking know.” I gritted, glowering at the door. I’m not used to being on the side of the unknown; Bella’s always been so open with me that now that she isn’t, it’s really pissing me the fuck off. “What happened with Jane?”

“She’s sleeping over her sister’s house.” I smirked.

“Ah Heidi.” I drawled, remembering the few sex-capades we had a few years ago. I didn’t precisely know she was Jane’s sister at the time, but this town is small and apparently everyone’s related to everyone. She was one hell of a woman, all long talons and red lips, tall with model legs and a toned physique. She had brown hair and the same baby blue eyes as her sister. “How is she?”

“Being Heidi I suppose. I rarely see her. Why don’t _you_ tell me how she is?” His expression was expectant. After all, he did know about my little tryst with her and he never failed to remind me of it. I glanced at him.

“I haven’t seen her, let alone slept with her, if that’s what you’re insinuating.” He didn’t say anything but a smirk danced on his lips.

 

* * *

 

I was lounging on the couch, silently drumming my finger to Nirvana when I heard the soft paddles of feet against the floor. I unplugged a headphone from my ear and turned to see it was my mom who jumped and gasped, clutching at her heart.

“Oh Edward! I thought you were a burglar.” I chuckled and sat straight so I was staring at her.

“That was just sitting in the living room?” I joked and she waved her hand.

“It’s late, my mind isn’t thinking clearly. Why are you still up and in the dark?” She patted around until she felt the switch and then flipped on the light. She squinted lightly as did I and I saw her bare faced with her hair in curls around her soft face. She had a smile, even as she squinted to adjust to the light.

“I couldn’t sleep. Why are you up?”

“I wanted a glass of water. The older I get, the thirstier I seem to become.” She cocked her head to the side, her smile fading. “What’s wrong, honey?”

“Mom, what’s been going on with Bella?” There. Straight out. She blinked, surprised at my bluntness before regaining some sort of composure.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean she looks like she’s carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.” Esme stayed silent, thinking of the perfect words to answer my question. No doubt, calculating how to vaguely answer me. If Bella asked her to keep quiet, then she would without a doubt.

“Maybe she is.” Her response was so quiet, I thought I missed it. She sighed, walking over to me and sitting down on the cushion next to me, her hands cradled on top of her lap. “Bella’s got problems of her own that she’s dealing with.”

“What are they?”

“They’re not for me to share.” She replied simply and I groaned, rubbing my hand harshly against my cheek, the stubble scratching at my palms. “I think the question you should really be asking is, why do you care?”

“I’ve always cared when it has to do with her. You know that.”

“Why don’t you ask her?”

“Like she’d tell me.” I scoffed, suddenly, feeling Esme’s fingertips combing through my hair, grazing my scalp to release the pent up frustration.

“I think that you should try to understand her more.” I opened my mouth to say something but she beat me. “Rather than asking around, you should ask her yourself. You were once closer than two people should ever be, reignite that.”

“I have a plan.” I mumbled and she threw her head back and laughed.

“Of course you do you gremlin.” She leaned forward and pressed her lips against my temple before getting up and walking to the kitchen.

“Hey mom.” I called and she turned around. “You’re amazing.” She beamed brightly and gave me a wink before leaving. No one gave a small pep talk like Esme Catherine Cullen McCarthy. Glancing at the clock, I saw it was two in the morning. I was going to be a little fucking shit to wake up tomorrow.

 

* * *

 

“Edward, Eric would like you to just go over this and then sign it.” Angela passed me a dossier before I walked out. She was a nice girl, one of the few girls that was interested in her job more than any guy.

“Thank you, Angela.” She had been my assistant for three years now and we’d progressed easily into first name basis. “You should get going, it looks like it’s going to pour.” She glanced out the window and sighed.

“Looks like it.” She ducked under her desk and retrieved her bag. “Thank you, Edward. Have a great weekend and stay dry.”

“Thank you, Angela. Same to you.” Walking out I felt the breeze hit me with the musky, muggy air. It had that distinct rain smell and if that wasn’t enough then the looming charcoal cloud certainly was.

When I arrived home I wasn’t surprised to see Bella in the kitchen, in her high heels, but what did surprise me was that she was humming and dancing to some soft music. Watching the sway of her hips, I heard her giggle along with Alice who appeared from the corner, her eyes instantly latched to my form.

“Esme, your son’s here. Hi, Edward.” She waved to me and both women turned.

“Mom, Bella,” I nodded. “Alice. Don’t let me ruin your fun.”

“It looks like you already have.” Bella replied dryly. Alice climbed onto the stool, staring at me with a determined look on her face. For a small woman, she surely had a lot of ideas flooding through that mind of hers.

“What are you making?”

“Spaghetti.” Alice answered. “Well more like _I’m_ watching and _they’re_ making. I’m leaving soon.”

“Gone so soon?”

“I have to…do stuff. Run errands.” She waved her hand around before running it through her black locks. “I figured I’d get it done faster without Bella.”

“You’re, as always, the nicest person I know.” Bella was obviously being sarcastic but it didn’t even faze Alice.

“I hope you two will come tomorrow again. Rose says she’s got good news to share.”

“She called me earlier to invite me. I’ll be here without a doubt.” Bella dipped her finger into the sauce, plucking it into her mouth and licking the residue off. Alice tapped her fingernails on the counter before sliding off, pecking Esme and Bella.

“I have to go. I’ll see you later?” Bella nodded. “Let me know if anything happens.” She pivoted and bounced her way to me with a smile. “Bye Edward.”

“Bye Alice.” I helped her out and she got into a car and drove off in the opposite way. There was soft murmurings from the kitchen and I knew Bella and Esme were gossiping amongst each other.

The smell of spaghetti soon filled the house and I was starving. Dinner couldn’t come soon enough. Bella served herself a glass of white wine and sipped it from time to time, her action very constrained.

In the strangely quiet surroundings, thunder suddenly cracked, presenting itself in a loud glory. It felt like the house could’ve shaken with its power, making Bella flinch slightly. She was nervous when it came to thunder and she’d always call me from her bed to talk until she fell asleep. Her eyes glanced to me and I gave her a wink.

“It seems the storm has started.” Esme mused, peeking out the window at the rough raindrops scattering faster and harder than they have in years. Storms were relaxing; they soothed the mind and calmed the body so I was always inclined to enjoy them unlike Bella. She preferred the sun and the heat.


	7. Chapter 6

** Chapter 6 **

_The day was murky and muggy, quiet, except for two certain teenagers. The events of one day left everyone appalled and speechless. Even Bella didn’t have actual words to form. The trees were weighed down by the rain from the night before and the ground was all soggy, squeaking between the soles of peoples’ shoes._

_Girls had their hairs tied up in ponytails to avoid a frizzy mess and uselessly opened umbrellas over their heads. It wasn’t raining per se but there was definitely some perspiration in the sky. It was the awful in between fog and rain mist. In addition to the mist it was also cold, considering the December air. This didn’t stop Edward from wearing his signature coats. One leather for more laid back days and one navy pea coat for when he felt it was a little cold, even for him. In this weather, his leather jacket was the one of signature, giving him the cool persona of every bad boy all girls wanted to encounter. The bad boys with untamable hair and the cocky smirk they saw on TV. The, Cry Baby, Johnny Depp women wished for. It wasn’t something he intentionally pursued but rather saw it as comfort and ease, so he was merely given that status. A status he didn’t shy away from._

_He wasn’t just a pretty face, he was a piece of work. He had a flaring temper that set off at any instance with a filthy cursing mouth. He was possessive and unafraid to use his fists to set the record straight. In fact, he’s been written up a few times by teachers that have actually seen him. The other times he’s managed to escape unscathed because no one told the deans when it came to fights; it was seen as a cowardly move._

_He was untamable, uncontrollable and intolerable, everything the girls in Forks High School died for. They hoped to be that good girl that would change the rebel bad boy into a docile man by their side. He had his pickings of girls which he regularly enjoyed. However, there was only one girl that could change his attitude from one end of the spectrum to the other. A girl he kept both near his heart and at arm’s distance._

_Edward was quietly walking through when a woman made her way to him. She had seen the whole thing and made Bella leave so she didn’t see the rest unfold. She thought it was unnecessary and pointless._

_“You’re being a piece of shit, Edward.” Rosalie snarled, her pretty features twisting and turning at the blood on Edward’s hand. Rose’s hair was picked up in a messy bun with pieces falling around her face and her eyes were glaring daggers at Edward’s slightly guilty, slightly satisfied form._

_“He hit me first and suddenly_ I’m _the piece of shit?” He grabbed his hand, which was throbbing from the punch, and ran it under cold water, hissing at the stinging feeling of the cool water on the open skin.  Emmett was a bulldozer and his body was as hard as steel, so it’s no surprise he split the skin open. Rosalie yanked his hand from the faucet, shutting it off and pointed a slender finger at him._

_“Emmett was doing the right thing because you decided to go all ballistic when Bella was talking to some guy.” She flicked her eyes at his hand pointedly. “You clean that with peroxide not water.” Rosalie was friends with Emmett and Edward and their fist fight surprised her immensely. She never thought she’d actually live to see the day it would happen._

_“You have no right to judge me.” He fired back but instead of backing down, like most people did when it came to Edward’s temper, she stood her ground. Very few could stand up to him, the only few being Rosalie, Emmett, his parents and Bella._

_“I don’t need the right to judge you. I’m telling you that you need a psychologist. I don’t know how Bella puts up with you.” She crossed her arms, scowling at his still bleeding hand. “Your anger is a huge turn-off.” Edward smirked at her with smarminess, his perversion always a deflection._

_“I didn’t know you were interested on that level, Rose.” She snorted at his audacity. Rosalie ever saw him as family—a hot tempered family member that she’d like to beat over the head with a shoe._

_“Don’t flatter yourself, you fucker, what I’m saying is that I can’t believe Bella can deal with your bullshit.” He frowned at her words._

_“Bella knows how to tame me.”_

_“It’s more than she needs Edward.” Rosalie reasoned. She knew that Bella’s crush on him has helped blind her somewhat, but the reality was that Bella really did tame him. He could kill a whole slew of people but as soon as he saw Bella he’d reason logically. She knew that he wouldn’t hurt her, but Bella’s crush on him had grown and Rose knew the type of guy Edward was, or rather the type of guy he wasn’t. He might be interested in Bella, but to settle down? No. He wasn’t interested in remaining faithful and she felt sorry for her friend for experiencing a one way street when it came to him. She tried to advise her but she couldn’t take away the credit that Edward was there for her, like no other person, when she needed him. Whether that was to laugh or to cry, he was always at her side._

_Edward plucked out a cigarette, using his good hand to light it and took a steep drag. The fumes filled his lungs, an almost welcoming, toxic, greeting. It seemed all things poisonous were a part of him, the only thing that was truly bright and innocent in his life was Bella, an untainted creature he had around him. He could swear she was like his moral conscious._

_“She doesn’t deserve to be in the middle of your constant brawls because you can’t control your jealousy.” Edward removed the cigarette and blew out the smoke, making Rose’s nose scrunch as she waved her hand to scatter the cloud of smoke. She loathed smoking._

_“Bella knows me better than anyone. She understands me.”_

_“That doesn’t make it right.” His anger was still at bay but it was starting to overflow with Rose’s two cents._

_“I wasn’t asking you so therefore, as much as I enjoyed this conversation, I’m leaving.” Edward turned away from the annoyed blonde haired beauty. “And don’t think I don’t care about Emmett, I’m going to visit him.” Good hand stuffed in his pocket, he walked alongside the street to let the mist of Forks settle his fire._

 

* * *

 

 

It had been raining for an hour straight with the crackling of thunder opening the skies and lightening blazing through. The rain only fell harder and since it didn’t stop it had flooded the streets. It was impossible to drive now with this weather and from the looks of the dark gray sky, tinged with a pink hue, it didn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon.

Esme sighed constantly, checking outside for Carlisle, while Bella played with her fingers. She seemed uneasy and I wasn’t sure if it was just the thunder now, it seemed to be something else. Three phones vibrated with dangerous power alerting us all. When I checked, I saw it was an alert of a ‘Storm Watch,’ with warnings advising people to not leave their homes in these conditions.

“I should call your father.” Esme breathed staring at her screen. “He’ll probably spend the night away from home.” She placed a hand on Bella’s shoulder. “Bella, sweetheart, stay the night with us.” Her eyes nearly bulged out of her head and her jaw slacked. I chuckled at the sight of something so comical.

“No Esme it’s okay. I can’t—”

“Don’t tell me you think you can actually leave in this?” I inquired with a raised eyebrow and she pursed her lips.

“I have to.”

“Your shoes alone will kill you on the way to your car.” Her stilettoes looked like they’d make her trip and if she broke her ankle, then we were screwed because there was no hospital.

“Edward’s right, stay the night. We have a spare room for you to spend the night comfortably.” She looked lost before sighing in resignation.

“Okay, thank you, Esme.”

“This has always been your home, sweetheart.” She gave her a small smile and then turned to me. “I’m calling Carlisle. Be back in a few.” She left to have a private conversation when thunder banged louder and Bella jumped.

“It seems some things never change.” I snickered and she glared at me.

“Clearly.”

“Oh come on, lighten up, baby.” I’m sure she’d shoot me daggers if she could, because her jaw locked, only fueling my amusement.

“Edward. Shut. Up. I’m not your baby.” It was as if she had to constantly tell me she wasn’t mine, a thought that was unsettling. I ground my teeth.

“Of course you are.” Esme returned, staring between us at both of our tight faces. She played it off though and walked in with a smile.

“Your dad won’t be home tonight, but he sends his love to you both.” She turned her head retrospectively. “Edward.” I moved my head fractionally towards her, not breaking eye contact with Bella. “Why don’t you show Bella where she’ll be sleeping?” Bella’s eyes wavered and she blinked. Esme had a secretive smile and I realized she was trying to help in the only way she could.

“Sure. Bella?” She stood up gracefully and walked by my side up the stairs. It was a quiet way up but it was progressive. The room at the end of the hall way a few feet next to mine was the one she’d be sleeping in, I opened the door and she walked through, studying her surroundings.

“Cream and beige.” She murmured softly and I nodded.

“Esme thought that those colors would be the most inviting to whoever slept here. She said it would match with any curtains and duvet.” Bella’s hand traveled along the silk duvet, heading towards the end of the room. We’d only been in this room once when we were younger and it was a frigid white color because Esme hadn’t decided what to do with it.

She might hate me, but when has that ever stopped me from doing anything before? I closed the door, causing her to whip around to face me—alarmed. I locked it and she became nervous.

“Edward, what are you doing? Open the door.”

“I will.” I said with my hand still on the knob. “After we talk.”

“You can’t be serious.” She flabbergasted and I nodded.

“Oh trust me, I am.” My voice was firm and she bit the inside of her cheek, her eyes glancing around wildly. “Bella you’re acting as if you’re in a room with a serial killer. It’s fucking me.” Her attitude was seriously starting to piss me the fuck off. I wasn’t this horrible monster she made me feel like I was. My throat felt strained and my breathing came out heavier.

“I just want to leave.”

“It seems that’s your quick pro quo.” I shot back. “You run from everything.” Her eyes flashed.

“You don’t know anything, shut up.”

“I _want_ to know. Why is it that you used to tell me anything and now you can barely look at me?”

“Because things changed.”

“Because you wanted them too.”

“Oh excuse me.” She clapped sarcastically. “I forgot I was supposed to be waiting for you in the wings all my fucking life. Eight years ago was the final straw, Edward.”

“Then tell me.”

“For what! You know what I’m talking about.” I made my way closer to her, tapping my temple with my finger.

“Why is it so hard to understand that I want _you_ to tell me? I don’t want images, I don’t want memories. I want your words. I want you to communicate with me.” Her shoulders sagged and her eyes released some of their fury.

I wasn’t an idiot but I wanted to hear her thoughts. I was left alone to conclude on my own, to deal with things my own way. When she left, things didn’t just change for her, they changed for me. Someone I had spent seventeen years of my life with suddenly vanished, without a single trace or word to anyone.

“Edward I—”

“Be honest. For fuck’s sake Bella, just please, be honest with me. I want to see things through your eyes.”

“You never will be able to see things through my eyes.”

“Maybe not literally, but figuratively.” She rubbed her lips together the sound of thunder cracking in the window behind her, but she remained still, pondering her options. She could run if she really wanted to, it’s not like I could particularly force her to stay in this room.

“So if I tell you, you’ll leave me alone?”

“You and I both know you don’t want that completely.” My eyes ran down her form and she shifted her feet. “Your body wants mine next to yours. I see your reactions, I know every movement and what it means.”

“Then what do I get out of this?”

“I’ll let you hit me with your heel.” She pursed her lip, reminding me so much of a twelve year old Bella contemplating my deal to let her eat all my ice cream if she’d wrestle with me.

“We’re not children anymore to deal with these negotiations.” She whispered but then her eyes twinkled. “But fine. It’ll be a weight off my chest.” I grabbed her hand and led her to the bed so that we sat face to face in the middle of the mattress. She slipped off the high heels, tossing them softly onto the ground, and hiding her feet beneath her. “Story time, Cullen.” She murmured and I swallowed. My sins to be laid flat on a platter at this very moment.

Bella tucked a stray hair behind her ear and drummed her fingers against her knee. It felt like I had a ticking clock in my mind that was agonizing my torture with this wait. I could practically feel my eye twitching in this quiet madness.

 


	8. Chapter 7

****** Chapter 7 **

Bella was wearing her oversized t-shirt with a pair of capris pants and her low top white converse. Her face was bare from products now that her dad inspected her room. She thought it was ludicrous and even though her mom tried to stop him, he did it regardless.

Bella sat on the bleachers watching as Edward ran with his shoulder pads and jumped in midair, catching the ball right in between his hands. He landed safely and Bella squealed, clapping frantically. She didn’t hear her own squeal, however, because below her were the row of women that adored Edward like a god, holding a banner with his name on it. It was only practice but they didn’t seem to care. Bella rolled her eyes, her lips twitching as she stared back at the man she adored running to the other side and making a touchdown.

When they saw him jump up and down, the girls with the banners took it as their cue to stand and cheer too. They were wearing short dresses to emphasize their bodies but forgot to bring a sweater to cover up. Goosebumps were along their arms and some even shivered, but they plastered smiles and waved their hands in the attempt to call the attention of one of the hottest boys in Forks.

Bella took her cell phone in her hands and walked down the steps onto the field where she saw him shaking his hair, his scalp damp with sweat. He was exhausted and ready for a huge burger and a liter of water. Both their eyes connected and smiles spread across their faces.

“Hey.” Bella greeted. “Nice hair.” Edward rolled his eyes, attempting to do something with his hair before giving up.

“Thanks.”

“Oh and good catch too.” She teased and he smirked.

“Ha, ha, very funny.” He inspected her and frowned. “Aren’t you cold? It’s a little breezy out here.” She shrugged.

“I’m okay.”

“Edward!” One of his teammates called, catching their attention. He saw him and Bella and felt like an ass for interrupting. “We’re headed to the lockers.” Edward nodded solemnly.

“I’ll meet you there.” He turned back to Bella and gave her the football. “Here hold this. I’ll be out in ten minutes, okay?”

“Okay.” She agreed simply, clutching the object to her chest as he left her. She decided to walk outside, away from the little drones.

“Bella.” A voice called and she turned out of instinct seeing a familiar handsome face. Mike was one of Fork’s newest addition and both had taken an interest in the other. He had blonde hair with deep brown eyes and perfectly chiseled lips. He had a pleasant voice and made Bella blush.

“Mike. What are you doing here?”

“I _was_ going to try out for football.” He chuckled. “But it seems I’m over two hours late.”

“How in the world are you _two hours_ late?”

“I confused practice with try out. Don’t even ask.” He had quickly glanced at the wrong schedule only to feel like an idiot when the coach corrected him. The only good thing that came out of this was seeing Bella, so today wasn’t so bad for him. Her bareness called to him and her indifference to the male population intrigued him. He never saw her at parties, or out after school—in fact seeing her here was a miracle for him. “Why are you here?”

“I came to watch the practice.”

“And what’d you conclude?” He tested and she smiled.

“That we might actually win homecoming.” She giggled and the sound brightened his smile. He walked closer but she didn’t seem to mind. She enjoyed cute boys talking to her, she didn’t feel so much like an alien.

“Oh I do hope so or the coach will probably have an aneurism.”

“And considering they have a whole season ahead of them that would be very inconvenient.” They both laughed, enjoying the mindless chatter they were talking. When they fell silent, Bella glanced at the floor and traced little shapes with the tip of her shoe.

“Bella, I was wondering—”

“Bella.” Edward’s sharp voice cut in and she caught the angry look in his eyes as he glowered at Mike. Edward walked out to see Bella’s shyness while Mike gleamed with content and determination. A determination that Edward would crush easily. Mike turned to see him and gave him a polite nod.

“Edward, I heard the practice went well.”

“Bella is the judge of that.” He pointedly reassured that she was there, subtly hinting that she was there for him, which in all truth, she was. Bella bit her lip, her cheeks pink and Edward slung his arm over her shoulder possessively. “If you’ll excuse us, Mike, we have somewhere to be.” Before the boy could get a full word out, Edward turned them and walked in the opposite direction without uttering a word. Bella silently danced at the fact that once again he was jealous. A fact that should scare her, but it didn’t. She was a little strange herself.

“He wants you.” Edward bit out stiffly and Bella peeked up at him, the ball still in her hands.

“What?”

“He wants you.” He repeated in the same tone. “But he’s stupid because he can’t have you.”

“Why not—” Edward stopped and turned to face her.

“You’re mine, Bella.” He emphasized with wide, emerald, eyes. Bella sighed at the same statement.

“What does that even mean, Edward?” He gripped her hands in one of his and then traced a finger along her cheek bones which were contrasting sharply.

“It means exactly that. That you are—” He bent his head so that his tall form was closer to her, his lips hovering over hers. She stopped breathing, her eyes glued to his lips, in anxious anticipation. “Mine.” He bent down, sealing the deal between both of them. The silent unspoken words transferred when smooth, cool, lips touched hers and lit a fire in her core. She found her body responding of its own accord.

Her own lips moved against his but with some hesitation. This was her first kiss and she was nowhere as skilled or experienced as Edward was. He felt the familiar flutter in his stomach and groaned, slowly releasing her hands and wrapping an arm around her waist, pulling her chest closer to his.

At this moment, Bella didn’t worry if she was doing it right or if she was messing up. She was letting her body take control and by the sound that escaped his lips, she seemed to be doing a decent job. Besides the feeling of utter bliss and content against her lips, she started feeling a strange sensation in between her legs. One that had her wanting more friction to alleviate it. Edward remembered they were in the middle of the street and pulled back, putting his forehead on hers, his breath coming out shorter.

“You’re mine.” He repeated seriously and this time Bella didn’t argue. Instead, she smiled brightly and nodded once.

“Yours.” The words he had so desperately wanted to hear were finally a reality and it made him feel like a man in complete happiness. She’s never accepted it but, finally, hearing her changed the spectrum. Little did he know that his worries would get the best of him, ruining a special memory, and therefore hurting the girl he adored. He entwined their hands, walking down the street towards her house. Bella dreaming of fairytales and romantic endings in real life.

 

* * *

 

One week had passed since the day Edward kissed Bella and she still felt like the same day. She was smiling more, seeing the beauty even in the dark, clouded, sky. She woke up in the morning, played her music and spun around in a twirl as she sang along. Her mother watched her from a distance with a smile of content while her father was becoming suspicious.

Today she was with a similar attitude, but did feel somewhat disturbed by Edward’s lack of attention in the last two days. It seemed he was spacing off and a constant frown marred his face. She knew something was going on but gave him space to think. Edward and Bella never officially became anything but that’s the way all of Forks High saw them.

They had been unofficially together since the beginning. She was the only girl he’d walk to each class, even if he had a girlfriend. She was the only girl he’d sit with at lunch to have a one on one conversation with and she was the only girl that could tease him mercilessly while laughing without his offense. To the student body, nothing changed, to Edward and Bella, a whole lot shifted.

“Bye mom.” She called as she ran down the stairs into the muggy Forks air. Charlie had gone to work with frown lines on his face, but everyone assumed that it was because of a case. Renee watched her little chicklet start to spread her wings from the kitchen.

Bella walked to the bus stop, humming and then reached school in record time. She saw a group of Edward’s friends sitting by the ledge of the steps, football in hand. They saw her and waved as she waved back.

“Hi Bella.” Riley called, tossing the football into the air.

“Hi Riley.” Edward’s friends had always been kind to her but that was due to the fact that half of them were interested in her. The downside to that was that she was Edward’s girl and no one touched Edward’s girl.

She walked in, heading to her locker as she briefly glanced down at her cell phone. Alice sent her a text for her to go visit this summer. Alice was missing her cousin, considering she was the only one she actually got along with.

At the sound of the bell, she scattered her books and head off to her class. She saw Edward throughout the day and they spoke but he still looked stressed. She couldn’t pinpoint it but she’d ask him right after school. They usually met up to go home anyways, Edward never liked her heading home by herself.

When her last class finished, she saw everyone fly out, including the teacher. She walked amongst the mass of students who glanced at her briefly. The blonde, statuesque, girls that pined after Edward analyzed her, wondering what he saw in _her._ She wasn’t ugly, but she was nothing extravagant. She didn’t even fully go through puberty—she was a late bloomer.

Bella pulled out her trusty chap stick and smeared it all over her lips, the flavor of cherry ever present. It was the only bit of product she was allowed to use. She walked around the corner to leave school while getting a better grip on her books when she looked up and stopped in place.

By the stairway, Edward was there, leaned against his locker with a packet of cigarettes in his hand. In front of him was the mousy brown haired girl, Jessica, but what made her nauseous was the fact that she was pressed up against him, _kissing_ his lips. She had her hands on his shoulder while his was at his side, his eyes closed and his lips moving.

Bella’s hands lost all blood, she suddenly questioned if she even had hands because she couldn’t feel them. All she felt was immense pain in her chest. She felt the way her throat closed up on her and her eyes filled with tears, prickling painfully. Feeling her breath shorten, she took a strangled breath and choked, her eyes unable to tear away from the scene.

Edward was busy trying to regain control of himself with no success. He was merely kissing another girl, just feeling lips against his, nothing different than any other girl he tried. Except for one. He opened his eyes while moving his lips against this girl and at the motion he caught the sight of dark mahogany hair exiting the school.

Bella rushed through the parking lot, wiping her tears from her eyes and holding her breath so she wouldn’t start sobbing. She ran to the corner before Edward would come wandering for her and thanked the stars that the bus arrived a minute earlier than scheduled. She hopped on, avoiding the concern stares of the bus driver and skidded to the back, where no one could see her.

The window was streaky with old rain drops and she stared at the old road, feeling the soft bumps of the bus beneath her. Tears rolled down her face silently and she tightened her fist against her heart, her books scattered on her lap. Eyes flickered to her repeatedly, questions flying through everyone’s mind. Why was Chief Swan’s daughter crying?

The bus ride seemed an eternity long and when she finally arrived, she dried her tears and took several deep breaths to compose herself. No use in alerting her mother, let alone her father who would interrogate her like in the Spanish Inquisition.

“Mom, dad.” Bella called, clearing her throat and catching the sudden silence of her parents.

“In the kitchen.” Renee answered, biting on her finger when her daughter walked through. Something immediately seemed off with Bella, her attitude was serious, so unlike her, especially lately. Bella saw Charlie hunched over the kitchen table, his head bowed and his knuckles pressed against his forehead.

“Dad?” Bella hadn’t seen her father in this position in years. Something wasn’t right. Charlie lifted his head and saw his bright, young, beautiful daughter, standing with concern etched on her brow. He couldn’t believe how blessed he had been to have her and he vowed to protect her innocence.

“Bella,” He swallowed, standing up and pushing his seat back with a loud screeching sound. Renee winced but stayed silent. She was observing Bella. “We’re moving.” Bella’s eyes went wide and Renee bit the inside of her cheek, waiting for a small tantrum to commence. As the seconds passed by, it never happened, easing her slightly.

“Why?”

“I’ve been laid off.” Charlie said his voice filled with anger and shame. He hadn’t finished college due to the fact that Renee had given birth to Bella and they had to become adults. Since his college education was limited, he was unable to get any other job in Forks. He fought with the head to let him stay since he put so many years into this but he was brushed off and disposed of. “We’re leave for Arizona. On Friday.” He stated. “I’ll get a new job there and we can start again.”

Bella’s body was in shock. She didn’t want to leave and start a new life, she had her small group of friends, her life, her school work, her Edward.

_Edward,_ she thought. A lump formed in her throat but she refused to cry again. She was done with this life and thought that maybe Arizona would treat her better.

“Okay, dad.” Charlie smiled in relief that one person seemed to be completely on board. Renee was having trouble accepting this transition and he didn’t blame her. He didn’t want to leave Forks but it was the only thing left to do. He put a hand on his daughter’s cheek and nodded.

“Thank you, kiddo.” He meant it. “Now go and relax.” He jutted his chin to the living room. “You have school tomorrow.” Bella shook her head, brushing off her father.

“I don’t want to go to school.” Renee and Charlie frowned at their daughter, confused.

“Why not?”

“Because…there’s no point. We’re leaving the day after tomorrow. I should help pack.” In reality, she didn’t want to see Edward. She didn’t want to face him again after what she saw. Her blood was boiling and she would surely want to drown him.

“Okay.” Her father acquiesced and something within her relaxed. Bella took this as her cue and ran up the stairs, knocking off her converses and jumping into her bed. She curled into a ball and ignored the vibrating phone on her night table.

There was a soft knock on the door and in walked Renee, in her blonde beauty. Bella always admired her beauty and had no question as to why her father fell in love with her in the first place. She attracted men wherever she went.

Renee saw Bella on her bed and pressed her lips together. Charlie was downstairs, wrapping the plates with newspaper, tuning the radio to the news station. Renee sat down on the edge of the bed and ran a hand down Bella’s face, feeling the stickiness of the dried tears. Her heart hurt a bit to see her daughter like this and she imagined it to be a boy.

“What happened, Bella?”

“Nothing, mom.” Her response was an automatic defense. One Renee did not buy. “I’m exhausted and the move came as a surprise.”

“You seemed so accepting of it.”

“There’s not much I could do about it. Dad already chose for us.” A final decision that no one was going to change. “Arizona can be a new change. A good change.” _Hopefully,_ she added in her mind.

“And your friends?”

“I love Rose and Emmett. They’ll understand.” She nodded.

“And Edward?” Bella inwardly cringed at the name, the fresh image of his tongue down Jessica Stanley’s throat vivid in her mind. Renee saw how she tightened herself into her ball and assumed she hit the jackpot. Bella stayed silent, tracing imaginary patterns on her sheets. “And Esme and Carlisle?”

“I’ll miss them so much.” Her voice actually cracked. Esme was her second mother and Carlisle? He was her second father. She thought of him more of a father than Charlie sometimes and envied how understanding they were towards Edward. Carlisle was always the person to fix her up when she broke anything and tended to her since she was a child.

“Me too.” Renee teared, thinking of leaving her best friend of over twenty years. Esme was her sister and she couldn’t bear to tell her the news of her departure.

“Mom, can I ask you for something?”

“Of course, sweetie. What is it?”

“Please don’t tell Esme where we’re going.” Renee blinked at her request but Bella knew that if she said something to Esme then she’d tell Edward.

“Why not?”

“I…don’t want Edward to know.” She whispered feeling the tight ache in her heart as she said his name. Renee leaned forward and combed through her daughter’s hair, hoping to get her to open up.

“Bella, you love Edward, why wouldn’t you tell him?”

“Because I don’t want to. Please don’t ask me, mom.” Her bottom lip trembled and although Renee burned with curiosity she remained silent. She wasn’t going to open up to her, she knew that, but she could at least try to ease her.

“Okay, Bella.” Renee leaned down and pressed her full lips against Bella’s temple. A simple motherly gesture that Bella appreciated so much, especially at this very moment. “I love you, honey. Have some rest.”

“Thank you.” Renee gave her a small smile as she got up and walked towards the door. “Mom.” Bella called and Renee turned over her shoulder to look at her. “One day I’ll tell you. I promise.” More at ease, Renee nodded and let her daughter have a moment to herself.

Bella wrapped herself up and closed her eyes. Edward always had women around him, it was second nature to him and he always paid attention to them. Whether it was to have sex with them or to date them, he always paid attention to them. Bella was used to that fact and tried to remain unbothered by it, but this time it did bother her. It hurt her because she thought things were different. He had finally kissed her and spent more time with her than usual making her think he was taking things seriously as well. But with the events of today it disproved everything she believed. She wouldn’t have cared if he would have told her they were nothing serious, but he let her believe.

_‘Edward doesn’t care who he hurts.’_ Bella thought, flipping her back to her phone and to her friendship with Edward.

Little did she know that Edward was in his room bouncing his leg impatiently as he called for the twenty-third time, only to reach her voicemail. Her bright greeting stung him making him feel like a bigger ass for hurting such a happy girl. He pulled on his hair and flung his phone against his wall, cracking the screen. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a cigarette and plucked it into his mouth as he lit it and inhaled the toxic fumes.

_‘Tomorrow,’_ he thought, leaning his head against his arm. _‘Tomorrow I’ll explain. I’ll change it all.’_ But tomorrow never comes.

 


	9. Chapter 8

** Chapter 8 **

 

“There’s your story.” Bella finished with a heavy sigh while I shifted uncomfortably on the bed. “For someone so talkative you’re pretty quiet.”

“I’m thinking of a response.” I knew what I had done, but I never knew…I never knew Chief Swan was laid off. I always assumed Bella asked to leave to avoid me. “I looked for you at school the next day.” I whispered. “I tried to talk to you—to fully exp—”

“Explain what? How deep your tongue went down her throat?” Bella cut off sharply. “No thank you. Spare me the details.” I frowned.

“I didn’t go looking for Jessica. She came looking for me.” It wasn’t a lie. I had every intention of meeting up with Bella that afternoon like every afternoon. I was surprised to see her come up to me when I closed my locker door.

“What are you talking about?”

“She came to _me._ ” I pointed at my chest. “She kissed _me._ ” Jessica had said a few things but I was ignoring her completely. I glanced up to see if I saw Bella when I felt her grab my neck and pull me down to kiss her.

“In order to claim rape you have to say no.” She retorted.

“For the love of god, shut up, woman. Let me fucking finish my train of thought.” She glared at me but gave me my time. “I’m not saying that I didn’t kiss Jessica back, but I am saying that I didn’t make an appointment to kiss her by my locker. That would be too obvious, don’t you think?” The sarcasm was heard in my own ears.

“There’s such thing as pushing away.”

“You know what, Bella? I didn’t okay. I kissed her back because I wanted to regain control of myself again, to have the upper hand.” Bella blinked, leaning back a bit.

“Upper hand?” Might as well.

“You…you controlled me like no other person did. When I kissed you and spent more time with you I was losing any sort of control I had. I would have done _anything_ for you. I still would.” I promised. “But at the time, I couldn’t handle it. I kept thinking that I gave you too much space to toy with me and break me in the end. _I_ wanted the upper hand.”

“I—you’re such an asshole!” She yelled. “It wasn’t about control, it was about feelings! My feelings!” She looked ferocious. “You don’t give a shit who you hurt. You have no boundaries.”

“Hold it right there.” I pointed a finger. “Don’t you dare cluster yourself with the bunch. _You’re_ different.”

“Like the hell I am.”

“I was a fucking kid Bella. I was busy smoking my life away and getting adored by women. I wasn’t looking to get married with a white picket fence and having two and a half kids.” I hissed furiously. “You fucking ran. You left me without a single goodbye.”

“You didn’t deserve one.”

“I was worried something happened to you. Rose cried on my shoulder for a week and Emmett nearly beat the shit out of me _again_ when he caught wind of what happened.” Anger was an understatement. “I went to your house the next day. I rang the doorbell and Renee refused to let me see you.” I remember the feeling of desperation that I felt when I had no news of her and when I wasn’t allowed to see her.

“I told her not to.”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“It wasn’t about what _you_ wanted anymore, Edward.” She said sternly. “It was finally time to think of me.”

“I missed you.” I confessed earnestly. “I was a fucking mess when you left. I got suspended from school for breaking someone’s nose. I drank my life away to the point that I nearly had alcohol poisoning.” Carlisle nearly killed me for that stunt. “I smoked a pack of cigarettes a day and nearly killed anyone who talked to me. You fucking left me and moved on with your life.” She flared up like a fireball.

“Don’t fucking tell me that your life was so hard and that _I_ had it easy. My life has been a living fucking hell. Girls used me to get to you!” She accused with a perfect manicured nail. “I was backstabbed every fucking time because you’d fuck every girl I was friends with.” Her cheeks enflamed with the rush of blood to her face. “When I fucking left we had to move to New York three months later because my dad couldn’t find shit. My life wasn’t fucking lilies and roses in New York.” She kneeled and shoved at my chest, pounding rough, as she released her anger. I pressed my lips and held her tight. “You have _no_ fucking clue what my life’s been like.”

“Tell me.” I pressed now more than ever wanting to know and since she was talking, I was hoping to take advantage of that. “What was life for the confined Bella?”

“I. Hate. You.” She said stoically, her chest rising and falling with every breath she took. I was pushing her to the edge but she had to be pushed there for her to open up.

“Did you get depressed?” I cocked my head to press her and I saw her body twitch.

“No I slept with everyone that came in my view.” She shot back viciously and I froze with wide eyes. _What?_

“What the fuck?” Her posture was still rigid but she wasn’t as hostile. She saw that the news hit me the wrong way and she was going to use it to her advantage.

“You had your way of dealing with your life; I had mine.” She replied. “I lost my virginity two months into living in New York to someone I barely knew.”

“Why the fuck would you do that? Losing your virginity should’ve been specia—”

“Oh don’t tell me, roses delicately placed on the bed surrounded by candles?”

“Special.”

“This is coming from the man that took girls’ virginities for a sport in high school?” She let out a bitter laugh. “Go bang your chest and preach to someone who cares.” She sneered, sliding off the bed.

“You’re lying.” My body was in total denial of what she had told me.

“No, every finger a man touched me with and every kiss I felt was realistic.” The extra pop in her voice was the edge that pushed me closer to my cracking point. “What? Did you want to hear that I wanted you to be my first?” Her voice drawled mockingly and my jaw ticked in response. Actually, I would’ve preferred it and the anger in my veins was proof of that when I imagined her with any faceless male.

“You probably would’ve been.” She admitted in a small voice, catching me completely off guard. “In fact, I know I would’ve given it to you if time had passed.” She shrugged. “Cliché isn’t it? Giving up my virginity to my best friend and all.” She waved her hand around and my lips felt dry.

“You love cliché.” I retorted. “I would’ve taken care of you. Made you mine in a way that yo—” Her jaw tightened and she swung her feet over the side of the bed.

“My life is _mine_. You have no part in it anymore.” My hand fisted to the point of sharp blades for knuckles as I imagined Bella laid back against a mattress. Her hair sprayed around the pillow and her body bowing with pleasure as lips grazed every inch of her skin to light her up like a firework. The image had me seeing red and wanting to break the nose of every man that touched her.

“No matter what you say I’ll always be a part of your life. Whether you like it or not.” We glowered at each other, standing our grounds. “You better get used to the fact, baby.” I slid off the mattress, passing her and heading towards the door. “I’ll leave the queen to her kingdom for the night.” Thunder cracked and she bit her lip.

“Keep Kurt Cobain down for the night please.” She turned her back on me and I left, slamming the door behind me and pressing the heels of my palms against my eyes.

“Bullshit.” I spat. “Fucking bullshit.” As I walked down the stairs to get a beer, Esme peeked in with a small, hopeful, smile.

“How’d it go?” She whispered and I snorted as I removed the cap and threw it into the garbage.

“Dandy. Just fucking dandy.” I took a drag from it and walked up the stairs into my room to enjoy the loud patters of raindrops.

 

* * *

 

I rummaged through the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water. It was two in the morning and the rain had only slightly started to slow. I spent the last four hours trying to create a face to the people that Bella has been with. Just the fucking thought of it made my vision blur and my nostrils flare.

I heard the light steps of bare feet against the floor making me check it out. I saw a black mass moving to the drawers where Esme stored all the movies we owned. I leaned against the threshold and crossed my arms across my chest, suspending the bottle of water in mid-air.

“Audrey Hepburn calling your name so late at night?” The figure jolted and gasped, whipping around with a hand to her heart. I didn’t need to see her to know that it was Bella tip-toeing her way around my house so that she didn’t disturb anyone. I leaned to my side and flicked the light on, confirming my assumptions.

Bella stood with a guilty expression and wide eyes. Her face was stripped bare of any makeup, reminding me of the girl I knew years ago. She looked beautiful with no makeup on; she didn’t need it.

“You scared me.” She whispered, glancing to the stairs probably checking to see if Esme woke up. “No Kurt Cobain?” I gave her a small smile at the fact she remembered such trivial things.

“He was playing upstairs as I mulled about life. Now I have headphones instead of a stereo to listen to him.” Kurt Cobain was the voice that I listened to at all times. Nirvana was classic and nothing beat the classics. There was a small silence between us but our eye contact didn’t end. “How did Renee die?” Her eyes flashed sadness.

“Accidental overdose.” So Esme had told me the truth. She told me when I asked her and when the initial shock wore off, I wondered if I was being told the truth.

“I’m sorry.” I walked over to her and ran my fingertips down her temple. She shuddered and closed her eyes. “I’m really sorry.” I pressed my lips onto her forehead and she sniffled, crashing reality down. I can’t imagine what it was like to have the only parent with you die. She must’ve been devastated.

I pulled away and glanced down at her, running my fingers by her eyes to catch any tears that threatened to fall. Her eyes opened and ours met, freezing our surroundings for the moment. Our lips were barely brushing one another when one of us closed the distance and connected us. Her body enflamed with a fire and mine came alive from its hibernation. Her hands reached to the hair on my nape, twirling it in her fingers, bringing forth a sensation of pleasure and relaxation. I groaned into her mouth and she pressed herself harder against me. Our breathing was heavy and louder than before and my erection was twitching with the urge to push her against a wall and slam inside of her.

Her breath was warm and her tongue danced expertly against mine. She no longer waited for me to take the lead, but rather she kept up with me with absolutely no problem. I pulled away and sucked in a lungful of air to stabilize myself. My body craved more but my brain knew that this was going to end bad if we continued the way my body wanted to. I reached down and picked the movie she came searching for, placing it in the space between us.

“Breakfast at Tiffany’s.” I said simply and she stared at it with swollen, red, lips. “The movie you watch during a thunderstorm.” Her hands took it and I ran mine through my hair. “Let’s go.” I heard the TV go on and I knew that pretty soon Moon River would ease her into sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

As expected, Bella left before I woke up telling Esme she’d be back later tonight. The storm finally subsided and the sun was hiding behind a few clouds. Carlisle arrived home in his sweater and lab coat about an hour after Bella left. He had his medical bag in his hand and bags under his eyes.

“Are you alright, dad?” I asked and he managed a nod, although his eyes were struggling to remain open. Esme passed him his mug of black coffee, no sugar, with a shot of espresso.

“Yes.” He sighed. “Just a long night.”

“You should get some rest before Rose and Emmett come later tonight.” Carlisle nodded mindlessly and yawned, covering his mouth with his hand.


	10. Chapter 9

** Chapter 9 **

 

Around six o’clock there was a knock on the door. Carlisle took a siesta before they arrived and was now energized and ready to host. Esme was removing the chicken from the oven, slamming the door shut.

“Edward, honey, could you get that?”

“Sure.” I made my way over there and opened the door, revealing Emmett’s towering six foot-three form. He had a grin on his face and he immediately pounded hands with me.

“Edward, good to see you.” He gave me a hug and I stepped to the side to let him in.

“We saw each other three days ago.” He paid me no mind and helped in his wife who was wrapped in a coat as she hurried in to escape the gust of cold air that blew. She shivered and Emmett rubbed her arms up and down with his hands to create some sort of friction.

“Hi Edward.” Rosalie pecked my cheek with a smile and then moved to the kitchen to everyone else. “Mm, it smells delicious in here!” A car pulling up called my attention and I saw it was Bella’s car. Out walked Bella and her cousin Alice who ran quickly through the open door to escape the cold wind.

“Hi Edward,” Alice greeted, removing her large black sunglasses from her face. Her hair was mussed due to the wind and I noticed slight bags under her eyes.

“Hi Alice.” I grabbed her coat and she moved on. “Bella.” I nodded but she barely looked at me. Her eyes were somewhere else, spaced out, which made me frown. She seemed to have sensed my presence because she snapped out of it and handed me her coat.

“Edward.” She quickly went into the kitchen where she was received with warm welcomes and squeals. The jackets went into my room and by the time I walked back down, dinner was served on the table and everyone was waiting behind their seats for me to join them.

Carlisle had the glass of wine in his hand as I took my spot behind my seat, in front of Bella, waiting for the announcement.

“Rosalie and Emmett have told us they have exciting news to share, so before we commence in Esme’s feast, I’ll let them take the stage.” He smiled and gestured for Rosalie to continue. Her face lit up and she suddenly started twiddling her fingers nervously. Bella stood beside her with a look of exhaustion on her face. Her bags were terrible and her skin was sallow today.

“Thank you for having me here.” She glanced at both Carlisle and Esme. “Emmett and I have something very…beautiful to share.” She reached for Emmett’s large hand and entwined their fingers, their faces holding matching smiles. “We’re pregnant!” She burst with excitement and everyone’s mouths dropped. “We’re going to have a baby!”

Bella was the first to recover, erasing the grimace off of her face with a full on smile. She threw her arms around her best friend and gently crushed herself to her, whispering soft things into her ear. I made my way and hugged Emmett, patting his back and grinning.

“A dad, huh?”

“I can’t believe it.” He breathed in awe. The mental image of a little toddler running ramped through their home with loud giggles while Emmett’s tall and uncoordinated, burly, frame chased after him. 

“That’s something we should all be scared about.” Everyone laughed and gave their congratulations to the parents to be.

“I also wanted to ask something.” Rose interrupted the buzzing of happy whispers. “If Bella would agree to be the godmother of my child?” Bella’s mouth dropped to the floor making Rosalie giggle like a madwoman.

“I—Oh my god, yes!” She exclaimed and once again hugged her tightly. “I would be _honored._ ”

“And Edward I don’t even have to ask you.” Emmett shrugged off with a playful grin.

“This calls for champagne!” Esme clapped happily with a dimple in her right cheek. “And sparkling cider for the mommy-to-be.” If it were possible, Rose was already glowing like the sun itself. She seemed positively ecstatic with the news and her hand seemed to constantly find its way to her tummy.

I turned my eyes and saw Bella had turned back to her original state. Rose’s news brightened her attitude for a while but it seemed she reverted back to a state of depression. Worry was starting to consume me. Her eyes were glued to the plate of food in front of her without blinking. She rubbed her fingers together, mindlessly, before she grabbed the fork roughly and started scarfing the food down her throat with a quickness that had me and Carlisle looking at her in concern. The food was disappearing right before our eyes in seconds. It didn’t even look like she was breathing but the process looked painful and her eyes looked like she would tear any second.

“Bella,” Alice whispered harshly to her cousin, a frown marring her face. She was ignored and in an incredible five minutes, Bella’s plate was completely spotless. She crossed her fork and knife over the plate and avoided any direct eye contact with anyone.

“Bella?” I questioned softly and saw her chest started heaving heavily. Her hand flew to her mouth sharply and she quickly slid the chair back, with a loud screeching sound that made Rose and Esme jump, running towards the bathroom up the stairs.

I threw my napkin on top of the table, screeching my own chair back and rushed after her, but somehow Alice beat me to it. She cut in front of me and slammed the door in my face, the lock the only sound heard before the running water. Carlisle was behind me with worry written all over his face and as the minutes passed, I was starting to get impatient.

I knocked on the door twice but was bluntly ignored. I slammed my fist once more and heard the water shut off. I growled in irritation at their lack of response but felt Carlisle’s calming hand on my shoulder.

“A moment, Edward.” The door unlocked, revealing Alice who wore a somber face. She stepped to the side to let Carlisle inside, but blocked my entrance with her petite frame.

“You can’t block me from my own bathroom.” I barked angrily at all the fucking obstacles that appeared whenever I tried to fucking do something. She snorted in response, crossing her arms.

“‘Mine, mine, mine.’ Is that all you care about?” Her question caught me off guard and made me hesitate. She raised an eyebrow at me but had a no-bullshit facial expression.

“What’s wrong with Bella?” I tried another technique since brute force was not getting me anywhere and neither was yelling. Alice was keeping her cool fine while I was losing mine. She grabbed my wrist tightly and pulled me away from the bathroom without a struggle. “What the hell?” She put a finger to her lip to quiet me down.

“She’s throwing up.” I frowned but didn’t expect anything else. She was eating too much way too fast, it would be a surprise if she didn’t. She was scarfing everything down as if she would never eat again.

“Why?” Alice studied me for a second, trying to find something, but unfortunately for her I didn’t plan on being an observational experiment today. I ground my jaw.

“Bella’s bulimic.” I felt a wave of cold water splash on my face and my jaw unlocked itself.

“Excuse me?” My voice was incredulous even to my own ears. “She fucking throws up her food?” Alice put up two hands and glanced behind me to check if anyone was coming.

“Let me reiterate.” She backtracked. “Bella hasn’t done it in a long time. It’s triggered when she is overwhelmed.”

“That’s not any fucking better.” I snapped harshly and she cracked her neck.

“I don’t have better news for you.” The door of the bathroom opened and out walked Carlisle with his lips in a straight line, staring at the floor. He caught eyes with Alice and a silent message passed through them. “I’m going to reassure everyone she’s okay.” She descended downstairs to the hushed whispers to explain everything.

“She’ll be fine. It was just the food.” He lied, wiping the back of his hand against his forehead. I narrowed my eyes. “She’ll join us shortly. Why don’t we go downstairs?” I glanced behind him through the small crack opening of the door and saw Bella on the floor with her knees pulled up into her chest and her head laid gently on top of her knees. Relenting, I nodded and turned away from the door that separated Bella from us to head back downstairs.

Rosalie was biting the tip of her finger while holding onto a flute of sparkling cider in her other hand. She saw me and excused herself from Alice to make her way over to me, her brows furrowed closely together.

“How is she?” She glanced at Carlisle and he nodded.

“She’s going to be fine.” She relaxed only slightly. I’m sure Alice told her that she was okay but Rosalie was never one to believe simple hear-say unless it was by a professional. She trusted Carlisle’s verdict since he’s a doctor. Bella’s presence was felt and we all turned towards the stairs where she came down with one hand through her hair and the other on the railing.

“Are you okay, Bella?” Emmett asked, stepping forward and offering her his large hand. She gave him a small smile and took his hand to walk down the rest of the steps.

“Yes. I’m sorry for ruining dinner.” She looked at everyone with guilt and Esme shook her head.

“Don’t apologize, darling. We can finish now.” Bella rubbed her lips and my jaw ticked as I watched her carefully. We sat down like before and resumed dinner, the aura a little tighter than before. Bella remained quiet and still with her empty plate in front of her.

After dinner everyone sat around the large table and exchanged conversations. The mood lifted for everyone except Bella, me and Alice. Alice was ignoring her cousin but her expression was still weary and I kept my eyes glued to her even while I spoke. Bella glanced at her phone to look at the time and bit her lip.

“Let me help you, Esme.” Rosalie offered, standing up and heading with Esme and Alice to the kitchen. Carlisle’s phone rang and he excused himself while Emmett made his way to the bathroom after patting his stomach.

I reached to the table behind me where Esme placed the fruit arrangement she ordered. Picking a brilliant green apple, I presented it to Bella who stared at it bewildered.

“No thank you.” She excused herself, standing from her seat as I followed.

“If you eat it do you think you’ll purge it?” She froze mid step and whipped around to face me with her golden eyes wide.

“What?” Her voice wasn’t vicious as it usually was but filled with shock. I took notice that since she came out of the bathroom she looked deathly pale with glassy eyes and had unusual pale lips. 

“Bulimic? That’s what you are?” Her lips parted in surprise.

“What? No. I’m not—”

“Your cousin sold you out so save it.” I snapped, twirling the green apple in my hand, appreciating it from each angle. Bella seemed speechless at the moment, giving way to an awkward silence. She took a deep, unsteady, breath and placed a hand over her flat stomach.

“I’m not bulimic.” She murmured.

“I’m positive I caught whiff of vomit in the bathroom.” The smell was faint, since the door was mostly closed, but the little bit I got was distinct and putrid. “So what are you?” Our voices were whispers the entire time so no one would over hear our conversation. Silverware clanked together from the kitchen, along with the sound of kitchen drawers opening and closing. Bella’s eyes were scanning the area frantically to make sure no one was coming in. I grabbed her hand with my empty one and took her upstairs with me into the bedroom that she slept in last night.

“This has nothing to do with you.” She clipped, snatching her wrist back.

“So you mean to tell me that you eating so harshly and rushing to the bathroom shouldn’t worry me?” Her lips released their grimace. “You worried everyone downstairs with your little stint and I’m tired of playing the patient ever begging man when it comes to knowing a little bit about you.” My movements were very calculated so that she still had personal space. “I was always there for you when you needed it and that hasn’t changed now. I can understand that you hate me and I can respect that you want to kill me, but I can’t comprehend your problem.”

“I’m not some sort of diseased woman so stop treating me like that.”

“Maybe if you opened your mouth and actually said something rather than curse me out I wouldn’t assume the worst.”

“I’m not bulimic that’s all you need to know.” I brought the apple upstairs with me and now raised it up in the space between us.

“Sure looks like what Alice said might add up. You ate and ran to the bathroom to throw up.” I cocked my head to the side and saw her hands fist into tight balls.

“Alice over exaggerates everything. It’s the very core of her nature.” She rubbed her arms up and down.

“For her to over exaggerate there has to be some substance of truth. So.” I sat on the edge of the bed, carefully tossing the apple in the air and catching it. “How’d it start?” There was a long silence, the only sound heard was the padding of my hand against the apple.

“I moved to New York after my dad’s Arizona plan failed.” I stopped the tossing it when she started and held the apple in my hands. “When I got to school that world was different. New York was different.” She turned and sighed. “Forks is a small town where everyone knows everyone and nothing is a secret. In New York you’re a small fish in a big pond and it’s hard to keep up. I used that to my advantage to sneak out and since Charlie wasn’t the Chief I had nothing to fear.

“Anyways, school was hard since I was new and it made it hard to make friends, not that that was any different than being here.” She shook her head. “You hear girls obsess over themselves a lot more over there and then so did I. I started cutting back on my food and lost substantial weight.” She threw her head back. “When…my mother…died—” She took a shaky breath before continuing. “Feelings overtook my body and it…happened.”

“For how long?” My voice was rough and she heard it.

“I don’t know. I don’t have exact dates. A few months until Alice caught me doing it.”

“Alice said overwhelming emotions triggered it. What’s wrong?” Her spine straightened.

“Stress. It’s personal.”

“That doesn’t mean hash it out on your body.” I stood up and walked towards the window, cracking it open and letting some air freshen up the room.

“When I did it, I was in a really unstable place.” She tucked a stray tress behind her ear. “I partied every night, Edward. I drank myself away into oblivion and made my parents life a living hell in a form of revenge because they barred me from every single experience here. I didn’t just decide to one day stick my finger down my throat for shits and giggles.” Imagining a wild Bella was nearly impossible. She was conservative and pure in all of its forms. She was the balance to my form. “I didn’t get to say goodbye to my mother. Can you imagine one day not being able to say goodbye to someone you cared about?”

“Yes.” I nodded. “Although, not on the same level and I can’t compare myself to what you probably went through with your mom. I felt it in the pit of my stomach when you left and never said anything to me.” She swallowed and looked away. “The feeling of emptiness in my stomach was a feeling I felt for years and no one understood me. I was being _melodramatic._ ” I rolled my eyes at the stupid word people used for me.

“Things happen for a reason, Edward.” Her phone vibrated and she jolted, swiping it out of her pocket and glancing at the notification. She frowned and stuffed it in her pocket, stopping in front of me. “Thank you for listening to me.”

“That’s the one thing you won’t ever have to thank me for.” She studied me for a second and swiped the apple from my hand to take a bite from it.

“Bye.” She chewed and hurriedly exited the room.


	11. Chapter 10

** Chapter 10 **

 

Renee laid on her bed on the late Saturday night, quietly thinking about her life now. All her choices, mistakes and actions. The sound of her small door creaking open snapped her out of it and caught her attention. In the doorway stood her eighteen year old daughter.

“I’m going.” Bella said so her mother wouldn’t be shocked when she didn’t find her in bed and would decide to call the police. It happened once before a few months ago and the aftermath, when she came back, was not pretty. Bella didn’t want her to have a heart attack so she tried her hardest to appease her. Renee clasped her hands on top of her lap which was covered by the dull, grey, sheets.

“When will you be back?” She scanned her eyes over her daughter’s provocative outfit with a frown on her brow. She was wearing a pair of skinny jeans that looked like they had been painted on her daughter’s legs. Her shirt showed what breasts she had and her belly button. On her feet were what Renee would call hooker shoes because they were cheap, platform, heels. She picked up dressing like that the moment she started partying too much and Renee couldn’t stop her. It was her rebellion towards her parents that restricted her every moment. Bella shifted her weight onto her other foot and shrugged, not surprising Renee. Bella never gave straight forward answers or made things easy—especially since Charlie’s departure.

“I’m not sure. I’m sure I’ll be here in the morning before you wake.” She walked over to her mother and placed a kiss on her temple with a small smile. “I love you, bye.” Bella learned to never leave without saying those words once Charlie left them and she saw how devastated her mother was. It made her realize that those you care for disappear like magic. Renee loved when she heard her say them and although she didn’t listen to her mother often, she did care for her.

She walked away with the heavy clicking of her heels out the door, leaving Renee to stare after her. She sighed and reached into her night stand drawer beside the bed and pulled out a stack of pictures that were wrapped with a rubber band. Carefully removing it and tossing it to the side, she started sifting through them, rehashing memories of Charlie when they were younger to not too long ago.

She ran her fingers over his young face—his curls a dark mane on top of his head that matched Bella’s. His eyes were the dark, lovely, chocolate color she loved so much that displayed the emotions he had trouble conveying verbally and in the picture he had that smile that was reserved only for her and Bella. His arm was slung around her making the picture look perfect.

Remembering where she was, she quickly put that to the side and let the pain in her chest die down. The next picture made her smile wider than the last one. It was a picture of Bella sitting on her bed with her makeup bag contents strewn around her as she held a lipstick in her hand. Renee remembered that day like if it were yesterday.

_She left Charlie in the kitchen, cleaning his pistol like he always did out of custom, and went to check on Bella who was too quiet. When Bella was too quiet that usually meant she was off doing something that got her in trouble. Renee and Charlie both caught her hiding their wedding bands in flower pots, hiding in the closet to scare them and knocking over ornaments from table tops. Renee reached the upstairs and heard a distinct humming. She stilled for a moment before she continued, pushing her bedroom door open only to start giggling quietly with delight._

_Bella sat on the bed singing gibberish to herself with a blush compact in her hand, painting her cheeks a bright pink color to match the electric blue eyeshadow on her eyes. Renee stood by the doorframe watching her child have the time of her life as she chose the next item to slather on._

_Curious as to what was taking Renee so long, Charlie set his pistol on the highest shelf, out of Bella’s reach, and followed his wife up the stairs. He was met with her back as she stood underneath the doorframe without moving, stringing a wave of panic within him. Renee heard his footsteps and put a finger to her lips to hush him, slowing his movements. She waved at him and pointed to Bella who was oblivious to their observation, singing along to her own little song. Charlie grinned and reached over to their vanity to grab the camera Renee left lying around and handed it to her at the same time Bella reached for a bright red lipstick that Renee forgot she ever owned._

_“Bella, baby.” She called and Bella stopped her motion midair, hearing her mother’s voice and gave Renee the perfect moment to snap the photo. Noticing that her parents weren’t mad, Bella gave them a toothy grin and continued applying the red lipstick over her natural lip line into a mess._

_Charlie watched his four year old daughter paint her lips with amusement. He put his arms around his wife’s waist, pressing a kiss to her cheek and stared lovingly at the gift he was blessed with._

_“Esme’s going to die when she sees this.” Renee referred to the picture and Charlie nodded. “At least she knows where the basics go.” Renee reasoned with a giggle when she looked up at her daughter, making Charlie laugh._

_“I would say she definitely takes after you.”_

Renee had her eyes brimming with tears the more she stared at the picture. She brought it up and pressed her kiss against her daughter. She always knew Bella liked to dress up and play. She’d seen her wearing her heels around the house since the age of six when they started to disappear from her closet. She thought of nothing better than her daughter expressing her true self and had no idea that Charlie would one day turn against anything that let their daughter bloom in a psychotic idea to protect her. He wanted to keep her in a bubble and Renee let him at first.

Putting the picture to the side she glanced at the clock and frowned. She had taken her sleeping pills over thirty minutes ago and she was still not tired. She had to be up early in the morning to work so she’d have to take a few more in hopes that it’d work.

She despised the dark so she reached for the remote and put the TV to Full House. The volume was dropped so it was a soft buzzing in the background. She shook the bottle until three more capsules came out and popped them into her mouth. She drank a sip of water to allow them to slide down her throat, but it wasn’t enough for pills that size.

She remembered Esme called earlier and put a reminder to call her back tomorrow. She and Bella kept in touch with Esme sporadically but Bella adamantly refused to speak to Edward. She had finally confided in her mother seven months ago what had happened back in Forks and although she supported Bella, she believed that her and Edward had a terrible misunderstanding that led to the fallout. She hoped that one day they’d fix it if they ever reunited but she also hoped for Bella to be a strong woman, who would never let him boss her around.

She sighed, settling into her bed, her head deep into the pillow as the lights of the TV reflected off the windows and bedroom walls. She slowly closed her eyes to help the pills work and sent out a little prayer for her daughter. Her last thoughts were concerning Bella and her safety.

 

* * *

 

Bella was swaying her hips away after being twirled by a new guy she met an hour ago. She held up a red cup filled with alcohol in her hand and let the guy nibble on her neck, setting a response of desire through her core. She bit her lip and leaned closer to him. Her original goal was not to get drunk but three cups of liquor later, she was giggly and flirting with the first boy to catch her eye. He was a different guy than the guy she was with now. He flirted with her, danced with her, and even kissed her with a rough desire that almost led them to the bathroom. Unfortunately for him, his girlfriend, Grace, called and Bella found out, setting her off and kicking him to the curb. Bella could be whatever society thought of her, but not a side-woman. Sooner enough she found this new guy who was seeing her as a woman he wanted to fuck.

A classmate of hers, Zafrina, was watching her with dark, hawk, eyes. She didn’t want anyone taking advantage of anyone and certainly not in her house. About seventy percent of people had already left due to the time but now, at five in the morning, she needed to kick out the other thirty percent. She made her way to the dark brunette who was sucking lips with the guy who she recognized as Marcus. She realized that Bella had way too much to drink and was wavering in the purgatory between being drunk and trashed. She tapped her shoulder and Bella disconnected her lips from Marcus, who growled, showing off a giant, drunk, smile.

“Zafrina! Tonight is fucking incredible.” She slurred with glassy eyes and ran a hand through her hair, exposing more neck to Marcus.

“Bella the night’s over. You need to go home.” Zafrina turned her dark eyes to Marcus. “You too, Marcus. Out.” Bella wasn’t aware of the sun rays peeking through the clouds. She took out her outdated phone and blinked repeatedly to try and get a sharp view of the time.

“Shit.” She wobbled stepping away from Marcus. Zafrina shot her arm out and helped her steady. She was a tall, built, athlete and often scared other women with her strength. “I have to go.”

“I’ll take you home.” Marcus volunteered with all intents of taking her to his apartment. Zafrina snorted.

“Like fuck you are.” She growled knowing that he wasn’t the purest of people around. “You’ve had too much to drink as well.” She shook her head before turning to Bella while Marcus glared at her, mentally cursing her interference. “Not on your own.” She pulled out her cell phone and dialed a number. “I’m calling you a cab and seeing you get your drunk ass in it.” She turned to Marcus. “You too, Casanova.” Bella pouted but agreed. She told Renee she’d be home before she woke but at this rate that wouldn’t be happening.

Zafrina safely managed to see her friend in the cab and gave the driver the address. Thirty minutes later, the driver pulled up and Bella stumbled her way up the stairs with a thankful wave. She took deep breaths in an attempt to be sober before she walked in and saw Renee. She opened the door but wasn’t hit with the smell of black coffee that could wake the living. It was Renee’s tradition whenever she worked the morning shifts.

_‘She probably overslept.’_ Bella thought, walking to her mom’s room that was right beside hers and knocked twice. When she got no response, she simply opened the door, using the knob to steady herself. On the bed was Renee lying peacefully with her pictures strewn around her and the TV still on from the night before. Bella turned it off and walked over to the edge and sat down in a rather unladylike manner.

“Mom, it’s time to wake up.” She murmured softly so she wouldn’t frighten her. Renee didn’t stir and Bella caught glimpse of the sleeping pills beside her and groaned. She hated when her mom took them because it became nearly impossible to wake her up the next morning. Bella put a hand on her shoulder and gently shook her.

“Mom, its morning. You’re going to be late for work.” She was starting to get annoyed and released heavy breaths and started tapping her foot impatiently. The alcohol in her stomach sloshed inside her, making her feel uncomfortable. She was starting to feel her own tiredness set in from her all night partying and just wanted to wake Renee up so she could crawl into bed.

“Mom.” Bella snapped, but she got no response. Bella let out a small noise of frustration and shook her head. Her eyes caught onto something odd she hadn’t noticed before—Renee’s chest wasn’t moving. She frowned and suspended her fingers underneath her mother’s nose to feel the air from her breathing. Nothing. Bella’s heart sped up to a pounding rhythm that sounded like drums were in her room. Her hands suddenly felt cold and tingly. She sat straight, turning her body towards her mother and put two fingers where her mother’s pulse point should be on her neck, a trick that Carlisle showed her years ago.

She felt no beating, no sign of life, no drumming of her mother’s heart beneath her fingers. Her blood drained off of her face, her brain suddenly fully attentive. Any trace of liquor completely gone from her body.

“Mom.” Bella whispered with disbelief. Her throat closed up and her eyes stung with fire as tears filled her eyes. “Mom!” She shouted in hopes that Renee would wake up with a scowl and start yelling at her for waking her up so rudely. “No…” She shook her head like a mad woman, the tears breaking free. “Mama!” She lunged herself on top of her mother’s still, cold, corpse and fisted her hands on her nightgown, shaking her. “No mama!” She screeched, the tears falling to the base of her mother’s neck and collecting into a puddle. Her heart plundered and an indescribable ache spread throughout her body. Her mind was frazzled and all it kept repeating was to never let go of Renee. “You can’t leave me, mama, you can’t! Wake up, please.” She croaked.

“I’ll change, I promise. I’ll be a good person, a good daughter.” She sobbed, crushing the material of her mother’s shirt in her hands. “I won’t party. I’ll stop being this horrible person. I won’t leave you, I promise.” Bella could barely see through her clouded eyes. “Please wake up. Don’t leave me too.” The pain in her heart felt as though somebody was squeezing it in their hand. She could hardly breathe and at this moment she didn’t want to. The pain was indescribable as the salty tears poured down her cheeks and a knot formed in her throat that caused her physical pain.

Renee’s spirit was wilting away in the room. Any trace of the beautiful woman gone. She loved her daughter more than her life and in another world she’d always protect her.

The wailing cries of a broken young eighteen year old girl echoed through the walls of the small apartment that housed them. A girl who lost all reason to live was now repenting for everything she ever did, but it was too late. Renee was gone and not by an act of purposeful suicide but rather an accidental overdose.

Bella ran to the phone, slipping and tumbling against the floor in the process. She dialed 911 with fumbling fingers and told them what happened. As soon as she hung up, she crawled back to her mother’s limp body and clutched her hand until her knuckles turned paper-white. She thought that if she held tight enough, Renee would never leave her side.

The ambulance arrived fifteen minutes later, barging through the front door when no one answered, and saw the body on the bed. Their eyes followed the small lump that was curled up beside her with knotted dark locks and black smudged makeup. Her face was red with all the blood rushing to her face and she kept rocking back and forth, never releasing her hold on Renee. They knew before walking over that she was long gone but they felt sympathetic for the daughter who looked as though she had lost all in her life.

“Miss. Swan?” Called the middle-aged doctor and Bella instantly shot up and made her way to him with black mascara tracks down her face. He noticed her eyes were a stinging red with all the tears she shed and felt sorry for the young girl. He placed a hand on her shoulder and licked his lips, the glimmer of hope in her eyes still strong. “I’m sorry, Miss. Swan.” Bella’s face morphed before his eyes before he could get any more words out. “There wasn’t anything left to do when she arrived.”

“No!” She screamed, shaking him off and alerting the other people around her. “You’re a doctor you can help her!”

_‘Carlisle could’ve helped her.’_ She thought bitterly. _‘He could’ve saved my mom.’_

“She overdosed and must’ve passed overnight.” He saw her eyes brim with fresh tears as her body convulsed under such harsh emotions. Her face was pink and her nose was a bright red. Her lips were dried and cracked from all the salt-water that fell on them. “I’m so sorry. Why don’t you call a family member?” He led her to where the phone was, nodding at the nurse behind the desk to silently tell her that she had his permission to use this phone. The nurse took the hint and departed the desk, with a file against her chest, giving them a sense of privacy.

Bella grabbed the phone, putting it to her ear and started dialing a number she knew all too well, even after all this time, before reality hit her.

_‘Edward.’_ His face popped into her mind with that cocky, crooked, grin that surrounded his cigarette and his ruffled hair. She longed to call him and hear his voice that would tell her everything was alright. She longed to feel his toned arms wrap around her little frame like a cocoon of warmth and safety. She swallowed the lump in her throat and hung up the phone before redialing with shaky fingers and ragged breaths.

“Hello?” Came the high-pitched, tired, voice making her throat close up. The doctor watched her carefully, hoping that she could make it through this phone call. Although, by the trembling of her lips, it seemed like a difficult task to see through.

“Alice.” Her voice broke into an unrecognizable tone that had Alice confused on the other side. Not only did the high shrilling of her phone wake her up before eight, but the voice sounded unfamiliar and as if it were in agony.

“This is she. Who am I speaking to?”

“It’s Bella.”

“Bella? What’s wrong?” She didn’t recognize the number and with her cousin’s voice she worried. It sounded as if she were crying.

“Alice, mom—” She broke down crying, unable to finish her sentence due to a fresh batch of nausea and tears taking over her. She shook her head, passing the phone to the doctor who spoke to Alice in her behalf while the young girl broke down in front of his eyes.

 

* * *

 

About an hour later, Bella was forced to go home where Alice would meet her. She sat in her mother’s bed in a state of lucid dreaming. She dreamed her mother would walk through that door and that this was all wrong. She prayed she’d wake up in some guy’s strange apartment, on his bed, naked, to find out this was all a nightmare. She’d trade anything for this not to be real.

On the nightstand, next to her bed, Bella noticed a notepad. She leaned over and read the words ‘call Esme’ in her mother’s bubbly print letters. Renee always hated writing in script, saying it was the opposite of calligraphy and that she herself could barely read her chicken scratch, let alone anyone else.  Remembering her mother’s best friend, she fished out her cell phone and dialed the number that she had programmed into her new phone. On the second ring, she answered in her usual cheerful self.

“Bella, my darling!” She chirped. “How are you? I’m so glad you’ve called me.” Esme was currently cleaning up the breakfast dishes that Carlisle, Emmett and Edward left as they made their way out. She was glad Edward was out so early in the morning or she wouldn’t be able to talk so freely. Her son’s attitude had taken a turn for the worst and any time he heard the name Bella he went into a fit of anger and depression.

“Esme.” Bella sniffled, the tears refusing to fall at this point. They reached their limit. She was all cried out for the moment and instead was in a state of numbness where she couldn’t feel anything. She assumed this is what being on drugs was like. “I—I have some bad news.” Esme frowned, balancing her phone between her phone and shoulder, pushing back her loose hair as she reached for a towel, to dry her hands.

“Sweetheart, are you okay?” She was concerned over Bella’s well-being. Renee had confided in her a few weeks ago about Bella’s switched behavior, without delving into too much detail.

“I can’t do this.” Bella murmured to herself, heaving. The sudden gush of pain came back, tingling every nerve in her body, replacing the numbness that she was originally thankful for.

“Bella!” Esme panicked, imagining the worst. She was already thinking of calling her travel agent to book her the first flight to New York.

“Mom’s dead. She overdosed on pills.” Bella’s anxiety was getting to her and she started shaking so she hung up and didn’t let Esme say anything in response. She grabbed the bottle of sleeping pills that taunted her like the murderous shit it was and she flung it across the room with a yell of anguish.

 

* * *

 

Alice walked in with a bowl of soup in her hands and her father behind her. He stared at his niece with such sadness as she laid strewn on her mother’s bed, clinging to her pillow like a zombie. Aro never agreed with Charlie’s decision to leave his family behind because he couldn’t handle it. He knew Renee since Charlie first saw her in high school. His brother brought her home and Aro instantly liked her. She was beautiful, smart, quirky and genuine. He also loved his niece, he’d seen her since she was born and instantly loved her. She and Alice played whenever they saw each other and Aro was always taking them out around the town. It pained him to see her like this.

“Bella, you have to eat.” Alice tried again, sitting on the edge of the bed. Bella shook her head and snuggled closer to the pillow. The action was truly the only sign that told them that she was still alive, because even her breathing was too subtle to notice. Alice sighed and looked to her father who looked as lost as she did.

“Honey, you need to eat.” Aro added stepping forward.

“It’s been two days, Bella. You haven’t touched food.”

“I don’t want.” Bella whispered.

“Just eat this soup.” Bella knew they weren’t going to leave her alone so she sat up in a wobbly state and reached for the plate, stuffing spoons of what she thought was water down her mouth. There was silence except for the clattering of the bowl with the spoon. When Bella emptied the bowl, her stomach warmed up in appreciation and she passed it back to Alice who looked relieved. “Thank you.”

“We’ll let you rest.” Aro hinted at Alice with a stern look in his eye that told her there was no objection. Alice didn’t want to leave Bella alone but reluctantly left with Aro out the door. It was silent in the room, completely silent and it wasn’t comforting. The silence was Bella’s enemy lately. It brought terrible thoughts to her mind and gave way to memories that flashed through her head. She felt the anxiety build up in her chest as she pressed a hand hard against it to try and make it stop. It was futile.

Bella didn’t know how to handle this form of pain. She barely made it with what happened to her with Edward and Forks and then her father abandoning them. And now her mother? She needed some sort of relief. Her stomach was full but her brain registered it as slushy liquid in her system. Bella got up and walked to the bathroom, her hands jittery. She kneeled on the cold tiled floor over the porcelain bowl, welcoming the bite of frigidness on her knees, and took a breath before taking her index finger and sticking it down her throat.

Her body reacted, gagging out and convulsing, as it tried to disperse the contents in her stomach. Bella closed her eyes, gripping her hands around the bowl and pushed her finger further down. She purged out the soup that she just drank, spilling it into the toilet as she cried. Her face was burning from throwing up and her stomach was empty. She flushed the contents and sat on the floor, taking deep breaths to regulate herself. Her brain thanked her for the form of relief and for the moment, everything seemed normal—like it would be alright.


End file.
